19 Terrible Dad Jokes That Are Sure To Alienate Your Children And Probably Destroy Your Marriage

I don't know why you would ever want to use any of these. But dads do. I apologize in advance.

Here they are:

1. Just pull over please

Every time we drive by a car dealership my dad says "it's packed. Look at all the cars!" ? #dadjokes

— Tim Kelly (@TVKelly13) May 8, 2016

2. Why

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.#dadjokes

— Bad Dad Jokes (@baddadjokes) April 13, 2016

3. Stahhp

Wife wanted me to pick up some cortisone cream at the pharmacy but I told her we better not make any rash decisions.

— Dad Jokes (@dadjokes) February 23, 2016

4. No more

Abby: I want 2 mini burgers. Me: Don't order too many burgers. Only what you can eat. Abby: no, 2 MINI burgers. Me: Not too many! #dadjokes

— Scott Cuppari (@scottcuppari) April 24, 2016

5. Don't

Did you hear the rumor about the butter? Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it. #dadjokes

— Fluff (@RiffsAndBeards) April 23, 2016

6. Please

"My friend is into snail racing. He took the shell off one to make it go faster but now its a bit sluggish." #dadjokes

— Jemma (@Vamp_Rouge) April 23, 2016

7. That's it

Mom: "I don't know why people are so obsessed with zombies." Dad: "Idk, to me it's a dead issue." ?#dadjokes

— Sky ♪ (@Skybirdie2) April 23, 2016

8. I'm done

Dad: Ya know how LOL means "laugh out loud"?
Me: Yeah...
Dad: Then what does IDK mean?
Me: "I don't know."
Dad: NOBODY DOES!!! #dadjokes

— space grace (@GraceOffCenter) April 22, 2016

9. I quit

My girls want to go to the Mall of America this summer, I told them that when you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. #dadjokes

— First Jimothy (@First_Jimothy) April 22, 2016

10. It does

dad: *buys my mom a new vacuum"
dad: i hope it sucks! #dadjokes

— kathryn (@artfullykathryn) April 22, 2016

11. Ha ... ha

After getting blood drawn-
Dad: what color marker did they use to draw it?#legit #dadjokes

— Glenn Coco (@dpsav) April 21, 2016

12. And there was never a reply

This is getting ridiculous #dadjokes pic.twitter.com/uLVMNTPhm1

— Snake Bait (@lynds_ellis) April 21, 2016

13. How long has he been waiting for this moment?

When Dads protest. #DadJokes https://t.co/RKyEaXf5Jp pic.twitter.com/tBrVNOat9v

— Country 104 (@Country104) May 9, 2016

14. Thanks, Dad

My sister shouted "MAKE ME POPCORN" from the kitchen, and my dad shouted "abracadabra, you are now popcorn" from two rooms away #dadjokes

— Margaret Ann (@MargAnnunziata) May 11, 2016

15. That poor child

I'm going to be a dad soon. Have to work on my #DadJokes. Going to focus on steak puns because it's such a rare medium.

— Adam Platt (@platta) April 20, 2016

16. Quickly climbing the list of reasons marriages fail

#Puns and #DadJokes are my guilty pleasures. No lie. This killed me: pic.twitter.com/UeHfYVFfFc

— Andrew Lessard (@LessardImages) April 20, 2016

17. This one isn't so bad

What's the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus. #dadjokes

— BabyLeague (@BabyLeague) April 19, 2016

18. This one is

He's soooo funny #dadjokes pic.twitter.com/Z7Xl0dsIGM

— Renee Alexandria (@reneenearz) April 19, 2016

19. Gets up, leaves

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it! #dadjokes #1shot

— dadstayedhome (@Dadstayedhome) April 18, 2016