How awkward people are is hilarious. But you can't fully appreciate how funny awkwardness is without realizing how uncomfortably awkward you are yourself. These are 28 little things we all do and it's about to get extremely (you guessed it) awkward:
1. Look at your phone every two seconds while waiting for a text
That phantom pocket buzz is so tricky.
2. Pretend you have plans to get out of something
It's a natural part of maintaining good friendships, but is so awkward when they see right through you.
3. Pretend you got a text to avoid looking too alone in a public place
In truth, you are really just playing pinball and pretending nonchalance while you "wait for friends".
4. Change a story just enough to sound cool and then get caught doing it
The truth just never sounds quite as cool as you want it to.
5. Secretly obsess over friendship labels
When in doubt, hug it out.
6. Plan who will speak at your funeral
Humans are slightly obsessed with death, so while you are embarrassed about secretly planning your funeral and wondering who will cry over you, you needn't be. Everyone does it.
7. You Facebook stalk everyone
Especially yourself. Things get weird when you add that sort of secret agent feel to it.
8. Pee in the shower
We know it's gross, but still oddly satisfying...
9. Check yourself out in the mirror
I think this is a very necessary part of life. You have to know what you look like to show it off properly!
10. Eat your food way faster than necessary to avoid sharing
It's a sad, sad fact of life.
11. Spend forever on a social media post and then delete it without ever posting it
...then delete it without posting it. Sometimes you just aren't sure if the world will understand your humor and interests. Better to play it safe than end up sorry.
12. Trip while trying to be cool
Yep!
13. Have conversations while going to the bathroom
I have no clue why it is so satisfying to talk to people while going to the bathroom, but it is good to know I'm not alone.
14. Pretending to know someone even when you don't
It would be so much easier to admit, "I have no clue who you are", but that just wouldn't be polite, now would it? Plus, everyone does it.
15. Pretend to know something and then Google it the second you're alone
Why is it so awkward to be out of the loop or not know the latest joke? Thank goodness for Google.
16. Practice walking
Walking in front of mirrors while wearing your new heels around the house to prepare for the big day is so normal and not even a little awkward, right? We all just want to look better while we walk.
17. Wasted hours taking pointless personality quizzes
They don't tell me anything about myself, but they are so addicting! I at least feel semi-enlightened when I'm through.
18. Pretend to tie your shoe just to avoid walking right next to someone you don't know
You know when you are perfectly in-step with a complete stranger for way too long and the only thing going through your head is how to get out of this awkward situation? Tying your shoe is the perfect stalling tactic. Or walk extremely fast to end the awkwardness. A fake phone call is also a good way to end the agony.
19. Run somewhere because you are scared even though you know you shouldn't be
Running always makes me feel safer.
20. Pull out your phone and immediately forget why
Put it back in your bag or pocket and immediately remember why you needed it out. And repeat cycle.
21. Have awkward dance parties for one
If anyone tries to tell you they have not done this, they are lying.
22. Open the fridge every two minutes just to make sure nothing you want to eat has magically appeared
I don't know why we still insist on torturing ourselves with this method.
23. Smell your clothes to see if they are clean
If they smell okay and you can get one more wear out of them, why not?
24. Pick your teeth with things that should never go in your mouth
A strand of hair, a business card or a leftover straw. Really anything with a corner or sharp end will do.
25. Talk to yourself or other imaginary people or inanimate objects
The pull to talk even when no one is around to listen is just too strong.
26. Casually smelling yourself in public to make sure you smell fine
The casual smell check is almost a necessity, especially on a hot summer day!
27. Just laughing when you don't understand someone
Is it more awkward to ask them to tell the punchline a third time or to just laugh and hope it goes over well?
28. Wear the same outfit twice in row
It is never safe to assume that you won't run into the same people two days in a row, but sometimes getting dressed is just hard.
It is impossible to stay mad or sad while smiling and nothing makes me smile more than funny awkward moments. If you can learn to embrace the awkwardness that life insists on continuously throwing at us all, then I can almost guarantee you a happy and joyful life. Give it a try.
