Many parents, after their children have grown and moved out, find themselves reflecting on the past and considering the choices they made. In this period of reflection, it's common for regrets to surface. Here are seven of the most common regrets parents have:
Not being more expressive in showing love.
Most parents, especially those who were not raised in emotionally expressive environments, may struggle with demonstrating love in physical or verbal ways. Hugging, affirming words, and outward displays of affection can feel unnatural or difficult to express. However, as time goes on, the importance of these expressions becomes clear. Children thrive on affection in the ways that resonate with them, not necessarily in the ways their parents were familiar with. It's important to seize moments to express love openly and often.
Not being relaxed enough as a parent.
The weight of responsibility can often lead parents to become tense or overly strict. In the early years, many parents feel they are fighting against the current, trying to manage everything perfectly. This tension can lead to harshness or unnecessarily strict measures. Over time, however, parents often realize that life unfolds in its own way, and embracing a more relaxed approach allows for a more stable, enjoyable relationship with their children—even during moments of misbehavior.
Worrying more about what others think than about children's needs.
In the early stages of parenting, many parents rely on the advice of elders or feel pressure from societal expectations. Unfortunately, this external input can sometimes overshadow the real needs of the children. Elders, influenced by their own experiences and infirmities, may give advice that is not always suitable for the current situation. Parents must learn to filter advice and focus on their children's specific needs rather than worrying about the opinions of others.
Making unwise decisions that affected the children.
Parenting often coincides with a parent's own growth and maturation. Many parents, while navigating the demands of marriage and parenthood, are still working through personal insecurities or challenges from their upbringing. These struggles can sometimes lead to unwise decisions—especially in financial matters—that impact the family. Although hard work and recovery can mitigate these effects, the regret remains. Parents wish they had been more astute and careful, sparing their children unnecessary hardships.
Not spending enough quality time with the children.
Life's responsibilities—chores, work, and the daily demands of running a family—can easily consume parents' time. This often leaves little space for moments of quality interaction with the children. Many parents realize later that they missed out on opportunities to bond, listen, and simply enjoy their children's company. Vacations and outings, which should be times of connection, can often be overshadowed by stress or exhaustion. The regret of not making enough time to engage meaningfully with children is a common one, especially among parents with multiple children. Younger children may benefit from a more relaxed, mature parent, while older ones often experience stricter or more distracted parenting.
Not giving the other parent enough space to raise the children.
Mothers, in particular, can unintentionally sideline fathers by becoming overly involved in their children's lives. From the moment of birth, a mother may feel a sense of ownership over the children, which can make fathers feel excluded or unnecessary. This can lead to tension, with fathers becoming indifferent, antagonistic, or demanding of their place in the family. Parents need to work as a team, fostering a shared responsibility in raising their children. Fathers play a crucial role, especially during adolescence, when they can support mothers and help protect them from being emotionally manipulated by the children.
Letting fear rule instead of faith.
Fear is a powerful motivator, and many parents find themselves constantly worried about their children's health, future, and well-being. While love is certainly present, fear often overshadows it, leading parents to overprotect or make decisions out of anxiety rather than trust. Faith, on the other hand, brings calmness and positivity, allowing parents to enjoy their children more fully. Trusting in a higher power and in the strength of their parenting decisions can help reduce fear and create a more joyful and peaceful parenting experience.
As parents reflect on their journey, these regrets are common, but they also serve as valuable lessons for future generations of parents. Children, often understanding of their parents' growth and challenges, are typically forgiving. In many cases, they recognize and appreciate the sacrifices and love that shaped their upbringing. Despite any mistakes, the bond between parent and child remains strong, rooted in love and gratitude.
