The selfie. Like Lays potato chips, I bet you can't take just one. The selfie isn't just for the average Instagram pic - it's a way of life. In 2013, Oxford Dictionary named it the word of the year, and it's still all the rage. If you want your selfies to stick out like a sore thumb (in the BEST sense), use these simple tips:
Take your selfie from a low angle
Everybody says to take your selfies from above so as to hide any lurking double chins. Guffaw. Taking your selfie from a lower angle implies power and authority. They do it in film all the time. See? Look how powerful I am.
Nothing says "bow to me" like forcing people to look right up your nostrils.
Accentuate the face fad of the year
For example, the duckface. When you do your duckface, you make sure everyone who sees your selfie will know, without a doubt, that you are more dedicated person to ever make that face.
Pro tips: Close your eyes. Visualize the duck. Be the duck. You are now more duck than human. Your diet now consists of grass, snails and expired bread chunks. Open your eyes. Take the selfie.
The 1/2 face shot done better
Sure, anyone can take an artsy photo of half their face, but you're better than that. A selfie of only about 1/8 of your face should do nicely.
You want to leave something to the imagination. This will drive people crazy. They'll be dying to see the rest of that moneymaker. Give 'em a little sample of your face and leave 'em wanting more. If you use the right hashtags you might even get some potential buyers for this artistic shot.
Look pensive and gaze into the distance
When you find that background that really calls to you, don't hesitate to whip out your phone. The key here is to appear like you're thinking deep thoughts.
Try these out for size: Global warming. Where do seedless watermelon come from? You've literally never seen your own face, just a reflection.
In addition to thinking deep thoughts it's important to gaze off into the distance. The farther the better. During the daytime the farthest thing away is the sun, so try focusing on that.
You may temporarily (or permanently) lose the ability to see, but the most important things in life can't be seen anyways.
No selfie stick? No problem!
You have TWO attached to your hips. Thats right, your legs. If you need a selfie taken from farther away than your arm can reach, balance your phone on your foot, set a timer and fire away.
This selfie stick hack is also useful for when you need to use both of your hands in the shot.
Touch your face
Touching your face is a super popular photo technique. Now that you've got your handy leg selfie stick you can pull it off by yourself. Again, make sure everyone knows that you do it better. Don't just graze your face gently with your fingers like you're a leatherback sea turtle.
Get those hands all over your face. You face is the last pair of Pali Hawaiian Sandals at a 50% off Hallmark sale. Assert yourself for once in your life.
Lighting
The best selfie artists take their photos in such a way that visible light rays cross over a part of their face. Some people buy editing apps that allow them to artificially apply the light rays through an effect called a lens flare. No need. Just position the sun on the crest of your head and snap that selfie.
Beautiful.
Use the back facing camera
The camera on the non-screen side of your smartphone generally has a higher resolution than the screen-side camera. If you want to increase the quality of your selfies, turn your phone around and blindly use the back camera.
See? Perfect.
The selfie collage
The time has come. Take a few hours to pick out your favorite selfies. Between nine and 40 should be enough. Oh, and make sure they're all painfully redundant. Apply different filters to each one, and then compile them in a collage using the photo editing app of your choice.
Sometimes one selfie just isn't enough to fully express to the world how incredibly awesome you are. Spam social media feeds until your friends are surprised when they look in the mirror and don't see your face.
