Raising a son is one of the most rewarding experiences in life and can also be very daunting. It is a frustrating and challenging adventure, especially when there is no one-size-fits-all approach for raising boys.
Boys will test your patience, sanity and boundaries all in one day, but they will also make you a weeping mess when they paint you a picture or tell you they love you. This is when things get tricky. When you have to put emotions aside and realize the boy you're raising will one day become a man. He will make mistakes. He will fail. He may even disappoint you, but in the end, your ultimate goal is to raise a successful and happy man.
So how do we accomplish this?
It is easy to become frustrated when you respond to their chaotic actions quickly. It is challenging for parents to know exactly when and where the line is between being overly strict with your boy and pushing him away from his family. While no one answer fits all on how to raise a son, there are plenty of mistakes you could avoid.
Here are six easy mistakes that parents make when raising sons.
1. Being too hard on him.
The world will already be tough enough on him. He needs a parent to show him the way and help him grow from his mistakes. Being too harsh can cause significant damage and doesn't help correct the bad behavior. Being too strict on your son can cause him to develop resentment, psychological damage, and dishonesty.
Reward his positive behaviors with your attention and praise, not punishment or disapproval. Try to find a balance between challenging him and pushing him beyond what he's comfortable doing while still supporting his limitations.
2. Giving the "boys will be boys" excuse for his bad behavior.
Hold your son to the same standards you would for your daughter or women in general. While raising a son may be different from raising daughters, it doesn't mean they have a right to exhibit destructive behaviors.
Teaching your son that it's okay to hit someone when provoked also teaches him that hitting is an appropriate response, leading to violence later on. Instead, teach him that it's not okay to use violence as a solution.
Whether your boy hit another child, broke something or even just hurt a family member's feelings, he must know how to say "I'm sorry." Even if they're in the midst of an argument with a friend or sibling, you can teach them to use their words to communicate appropriately and apologize.
Expect puberty to make things a little crazy when it comes to their mood swings and temper. Your son's testosterone levels will begin to rise and change when he hits puberty, generally between the ages of 11-18. This means that his emotions will be all over the place as well. Don't be alarmed if your son suddenly experiences anger issues.
Boys are more challenging when it comes to their tempers due to their testosterone levels, so it's essential to teach them how to handle their anger appropriately.
3. Not showing enough love and affection.
Even if your son craves rough-and-tumble play, it's essential to show him some love and affection. Boys need love and empathy too. Just remember, there is a difference between empathy and entitlement.
Praising and rewarding everything your son does without requiring him to earn your love will develop an entitlement complex. Emphasize "effort" rather than "achievement," and make sure to provide feedback for whatever your son does.
As a parent, you need to be your son's biggest cheerleader in order for him to inspire confidence and encourage success.
You might be surprised by how much more well-behaved he becomes when you're able to show him physical and verbal affection. Showing your son love and affection also helps build his self-confidence and helps him become the best version of himself, ready to take on the world with a smile.
Research shows that children who had nurturing parents growing up had become happier and more resilient as adults.
Not only does it help their mental well-being, but it also helps create a stronger bond between the two of you where your son may feel more open to sharing things with you.
When their toddlers, hold his hand, when he's a teen, show up to his basketball games, when he becomes a man, offer him advice. Be there with support and love throughout his life. Encourage his interests and hobbies and let him know that you're proud of him. While your son may not always be the best behaved or considerate in front of his peers and friends, he will always be your little boy who wants nothing more than for his parents to love him.
4. Doing everything for him.
You might feel better about taking his "burdens" away and making life easier for him, but you're hurting his developmental skills.
It's okay to help with homework. Just don't solve the problems for them. It's okay to do your son's laundry when he is a child, but it's essential to teach him life skills because he won't live with you forever. Don't try to solve all of his problems for him. Most importantly, don't become a helicopter parent.
Let your son learn from his mistakes. Teach him how to do things on his own. Allow him to figure things out on his own. When you cater to their needs too much, you rob them of a chance to master life. Instead, they will master helplessness.
Help your son develop a sense of responsibility. Teach him to do things because he should, not because you want him to. If you have a son who is always crying for more help, it may be time to take a step back and let him learn the lessons that life teaches us: that there are challenges in life, many of which we must face alone.
5. Being a man buster.
When he comes to you for advice, listen carefully and give your honest opinion about his situation but don't make him feel less of a man when he doesn't do what you tell him to. He will become angry, defensive, and shut you out of his life. He'll feel that if he can't come to you for advice, he has no one in the world to turn to.
You might want him to think and like you do, but he likely won't. They can be frustrating and test your patience but avoid making him feel like he isn't brave enough to make his own decisions. Be completely honest with him, and if you don't want him to do something, say so. Encourage him when he tries new things and offer him advice on handling the situation if it were you.
Boys are just wired differently than girls when it comes to solving problems. Their angles may seem ridiculous, but they need to find their approach when looking for a solution. If he comes up with a solution that you think won't work, encourage him to do it anyway. Allowing some freedom relieves tensions and the feeling of being caged in or under someone's control. If he can get through one challenge, he will feel empowered to find his solutions to many more problems.
If you poke fun when he needs you to be serious, you could cause your son to close up and be more guarded of his feelings and problems in the future.
6. Pressuring him into sports.
If he isn't interested in sports, don't make him play your favorite sport. Not every boy wants to be the next Tom Brady or Lebron James. While sports are great, they're not everyone's cup of tea.
You mustn't relate sports to masculinity. It doesn't make your son less of a man if he doesn't want to play sports or isn't good at them. You can enjoy sports together, but leave it at that and support your son when he doesn't want to play.
If your child is interested in a sport, allow him to pursue his interest and encourage him even if you disagree with the sport itself. Support him on every level and help him find ways to improve if he needs advice. Encourage your son to pursue a hobby or activity that he finds joy in. If you can't respect your son's interests, it will backfire, and you'll have an unhappy child.
If he's interested in an instrument, let him take lessons. If he likes art or robotics, encourage him to play around with it and introduce him to other kids who are nerdy in that way. The more options you give your son when it comes to finding his interests, the better off he will be as a man.
Just take it one day at a time when it comes to raising your son. It's a tough job, but avoiding the mistakes mentioned above will help make it a little easier.
