While this is not a challenging feat, it is nice to compare notes with other parents of teenagers. Teenage annoyance comes with the territory and the use of this list best serves as a source of amusement for the parents. Try a few and see how many facial tics you can generate in your teen.
1) Dance in public or where people can see
A youth dance where you are a chaperone is ideal, but don't discount the home kitchen space. If they suddenly start pulling blinds and shutting curtains you'll know this was a home run.
2) Use their slang (and intentionally misuse it.)
Flood conversations with "# (hash tag)" before every sentence, or say something like "Oh man! That song is so pwnd!" Did they squirm or twitch? Great! You are on your way!
3) As they are leaving - from the house on a date or from the car for school - wave and yell, "Make good choices!"
It is hard enough for them to acknowledge that they HAVE parents, but it is even more humiliating that YOU are one of them. This is like shouting from the rooftops that - despite their best attempts to prove to others on the contrary - they arrived on this planet in the good old-fashioned way and not through a divine beam of light destined to live as emancipated beings.
4) Watch their favorite TV show with them and make snarky comments about the characters
It's also helpful if you've never seen the show before and the comments are very judgmental on dress, behavior, plot development, and scriptwriting.
5) Breathe
Yep. That's about it. Just stand there and breathe and if the planets are misaligned just right they'll be storming out of the room and loudly exhaling their own share of the air.
6) Bring out the shotgun on your daughter's first date
It will annoy the daughter and freak the living daylights out of her date. Any embellishment that can be added will contribute to the overall effect of number six: polish the barrel, cradle it in your arms, or casually be counting the ammunition as he walks through the front door.
7) Exclaim "Whew! Next time turn on the fan!" when your teen exits the bathroom
For full effect, use this when they have a significant other present. For triple effect, use it on your teenage daughter.Mandy Pantinkin said it best as Inigo Montoya in the movie The Princess Bride: "Humiliations galore!"
8) Freak out in the car when they are driving with a learner's permit
Pump the invisible brake on the passenger side, grab hold of the armrest, and scratch the car ceiling in terror. Whether or not you are acting is a personal decision. It helps to be authentic.
9) Sing along to their music
Crank the tunes and belt it out. Add it to some fancy footwork and maybe some dance moves you learned when you were "their age."
10) Be yourself
We try to teach this principle to our children over and over again, hoping that one day it will finally sink in. When this annoyance tactic no longer produces the groans it once did, it will be a signal that your work is nearly complete. The teen years are ending, as is one sure source of free entertainment.
Good luck. God speed. And remember, this too shall pass.
