Husband, 6 a.m.: Wake up"�well, don't really wake up, just hit the snooze button a few times to make sure your wife can't get back to sleep.

Wife, 6:10 a.m.: Decides to just get up and turn on some music. Start exercising. There is nothing like Zumba first thing in the morning! Stomp as loud as possible.

7 a.m.: Wake up for good this time. It was hard to sleep through all that racket, anyway.

8 a.m.: After surfing the Internet for a few minutes, head to work late. Don't bother saying goodbye to your family - just leave.

8:30 a.m.: Feed the kids and get them off to school. Leave the dishes and breakfast mess for your husband when he gets home. Facebook with your friends. "Friend"� an old boyfriend from high school. Your husband won't mind. Watch TV and lounge around. No need to shower"�he doesn't notice anyway.

9 a.m.: Hit on your secretary. Your wife will never know.

11 a.m.: Text a buddy about what a drag it is that the old lady won't let you go golfing with him. Get in a few good digs, she's not there!

11:02 a.m.: Realize you accidentally sent the message to your wife. Send her a follow up, "I'm only kidding!"�

11:05 a.m.: Forward text to your mother, sister, and best friend. Get in a few good digs of your own. They should know what you have to put up with.

12 p.m.: Tell your wife you can't come home for lunch - you had a meeting come up.

12:01 p.m.: Go to your "meeting"� - an hour surfing the 'net while eating a microwave burrito.

12:15 p.m.: Call up your friend and go to lunch at an expensive restaurant. Husband bash. Make sure you order dessert. What are a few extra pounds nowadays?

5 p.m.: Blow off your family and go hang out with some friends. They were going to watch the game, and you really wanted to do that.

5 p.m.: Make your husband's least favorite dinner since he didn't show up for lunch

5:15 p.m.: Husband hasn't arrived. Text. Call. Text again. Demand to know where he is. Text again. Facebook a complaint about how your husband never comes home on time. Call him again. Nagging is so important! Otherwise, men never get anything done.

5:15 p.m.: Put your phone on silent. Your wife nags like a champ, that's why you never answer her calls.

7:30 p.m.: Arrive home. Don't explain why you were so late. Your wife can be such a drag! Instead, demand dinner. You ate at the sports bar, but what's a second dinner among friends?

7:45 p.m.: Don't speak a single word to him when he arrives. Not one. Don't make eye contact. Drop food on the table and leave.

8 p.m.: Ask your wife why the house is such a mess? Feel free to insult her dinner by nitpicking some detail. Nothing is too minor! What does she do all day anyway?

9:30 p.m.: When your wife confronts you about some images that she came across on your computer, blame your kids no matter how old they are. She'll never know.

9:45 p.m.: Google "pornography."� Read it to him word for word. Facebook what you find to all your friends. Email your ecclesiastical leader and BCC your mother and mother-in-law. These things can get dangerous if left too long. Better safe than sorry!

Both, 10:30 p.m.: Shout. A lot. That always makes things better

11 p.m.: Don't apologize for anything. Apologies are for the weak, and you are strong. Your spouse should be put in their place, and if they don't like it there, they can leave!