Relationships are all about trust, honesty and overall communication, right? Well, what if I told you your husband has been lying to you?
Okay, maybe lying is too strong of a word. But he probably hasn't been telling you what he is thinking or how he truly feels about your marriage.
Understanding these 10 sneaky things will help you create a marriage you always hoped for.
1. He gets his sense of self-worth through his ability to provide for you
If you are struggling financially, emotionally or physically, he takes the blame. He feels like a failure if you are not taken care of. The most satisfying thing for him is being told and seeing for himself that he can provide for you and the family.
Grasping this concept may help you see what not having a job, struggling to make ends meet or even not being able to bring children into this world has done to his self-worth.
2. He wants to hear the words "I love you"
He doesn't want to pester you or seem needy; but, even after years of being married, he wants to hear you say those special words. Express it through words and action. He doesn't want you to have to ask yourself 25 years from now, "Do I love him?" He wants there to be no denying it.
3. He comes before the kids
You are great with the children, and he loves your devotion to them. But he wants to be your number one. He wants to feel more important to you than the kids so when he is having a conversation with you and the kids interrupt, you finish talking to him before helping them.
Award-winning author David Code has drawn from research in neuroscience and family dynamics to show putting your marriage first is essential to raising happy children. Your man shouldn't have to compete for your attention. And, frankly, he doesn't want to.
4. He wants space after an argument
When it comes to bickering and arguing, men and women generally handle things differently. Once the conflict is resolved to a point, he likely wants time alone to walk it off.
"When a couple gets into an argument, it's not uncommon for the wife to continue to pursue the husband, especially as he withdraws," psychologist Anne Crowley shared. "This dynamic is detrimental to both people."
Men need a cool-down, even if they don't ask for one.
5. He doubts his ability to be romantic enough
He knows you would love for him to go all-out and plan a romantic evening. But he thinks he wouldn't be able to do your dream night justice. This was one of the common things author Shaunti Feldhahn discovered as she conducted over 1,000 interviews with men for her book, "For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men."
He needs to know what your romantic evening entails so he can have more confidence and feel encouraged to create it, even if he does fail miserably.
6. He likes when you praise and appreciate him
Your man tries so hard to help you feel loved by sending you cute text messages, buying you roses and being your constant shoulder to cry on. He loves doing all those things for you but secretly wants you to recognize his needs as well.
Express how grateful you are for his hard work and dedication. Send him cute texts, write love notes on his lunch napkins and be his constant cheerleader. He loves it, even if he doesn't tell you.
7. He needs you to listen
When you ask a question or bring up a topic you would like his opinion on, he wants to know you will actually listen to his response. Sometimes men feel they are going to be interrupted when giving their opinion. And sometimes they choose to think before they speak which makes them slower to respond. This does not mean you need to keep talking to fill the silent space.
He likes to know you value his opinion. Show him you do by asking questions, clarifying his points and trying your best to understand his point of view.
8. He is embarrassed when you joke about him in public
Even if it is just with your friends and family, when you list a flaw of his, it crushes him. When you criticize him, laugh at his mistakes or even make a small joke about him, his trust in you diminishes.
You may think it is all fun and games, but when he goes to his parents and laughs about your weight gain, lack of patience or high temper, you will talk less about your husband's shortcomings and more about his irresistible strengths.
9. He wants to be respected and lead the family
As the "man of the house" he needs to know you support and respect him as a person and as your loving husband. He likely makes a lot of decisions for the two of you and wants to know you do not doubt his ability to make the right choices for your family.
10. He wants you to initiate intimacy
Men want to know they are not the only ones interested physically in the relationship. When you are the one to bring it up, it is a nice change of pace and it reinforces your interest in him. Being intimate is how men feel emotionally connected to their wives.
These may not be surprising or revolutionary points. They may not even drastically change the state of your marriage. But be aware of what your husband needs to feel your love. It'll be one of the best things you can do for your marriage.
