Our trials, insecurities and expectations about everyday life in marriage can have a huge impact on the success or weakness of our relationship.
Read through these 10 situations that may prove that you're sabotaging or destroying your marriage.
1. Lack of appreciation
Never telling your spouse you appreciate her or pointing out things you like or admire about her can cause a gradual distance between you. Saying "I appreciate everything you do for me" is easy, so try being more specific. If you're feeling that your spouse doesn't appreciate you, talk to her about it.
2. Ridicule and sarcasm
Humor can save a marriage, as long as both find the situation funny. Making fun of what the other person feels or constantly joking about something that can hurt your spouse is not kind and does not show consideration. A spouse that always starts or ends a discussion in a sarcastic tone simply shows a lack of maturity. Let out your true feelings in a genuine way. Explain how you really feel.
3. Disloyalty
In a happy marriage, lies and secrets that end up ruining trust and creating a distance between you cannot exist. Being faithful does not include flirting with other people, or cheating or maintaining a plan B in case the relationship doesn't work out. It means seeking unity with your spouse and correcting character flaws for the overall good of the marriage and family.
4. Sudden mood changes
We all need to learn how to deal with our problems in a civilized and constructive manner. Exploding at little things, saying things that should never be said, abusing psychologically and emotionally, or acting in an intolerable way will not help the relationship flourish at all, nor will it fix the problem at hand. Use self-control. If you cannot manage that, seek out specialized help.
5. Constant selfishness
If you overspend on yourself every chance you get without thinking of the family budget, and blow up about your spouse spending even less than you have, you need to review your priorities. Be fair. Don't get into debt. Don't spend too much time at work knowing your spouse needs your help at home or that your relationship needs more dedication. Make a budget and keep it.
6. Defensive behavior
If you're that person who thinks they know what her spouse is thinking or feeling during an argument, or if you always offend your spouse and constantly act defensively, stop now! Create a calm discussion and respect each other. Ask questions, and be willing to accept opinions other than your own. Learn to listen. You don't have to agree on everything, but you do need to learn to understand your spouse's point of view. Stop justifying your own mistakes and putting blame on others for your own choices.
7. Being easily annoyed
If you don't brush your teeth, take a shower, leave the bathroom unclean after using it, are always late everywhere you go, always complain about a headache, a stomach ache, how tired you are, or always start a cat fight every time your spouse does any little thing wrong, it is time for a major attitude adjustment. Avoid unnecessary fights. Grow up.
8. Waiting for the other to take the first step
Poor communication leaves important things unsaid, creates fear to ask for anything, or discourages attempts to do something that your spouse doesn't want or need. It's hard having to always guess whether your spouse is tired, sad, worried, what they want or what they are thinking. Take the first step in saving your marriage. The relationship cannot stay healthy or save itself without both partners trying hard to make it work.
9. Generalized comparisons
If you think all men are the same or all women are of one mold, you could be weakening your marriage. Even if you experienced these stereotypes in a previous relationship, you could be subconsciously expecting your current relationship to end the same way by making such assumptions. This type of thinking will never foster the kind of intimacy that helps a relationship progress. Accept what has happened in the past, forgive-even yourself-and start over. If you need specialized help, don't be afraid to get it.
10. Nagging and back stabbing
Stop talking about your spouse to friends and family behind their back. Complaining that he doesn't give you enough attention will not motivate him to do so, and it can even make things worse. Observe him and try to understand that maybe his way of showing his love to you is different than your own or the way someone else has shown love to you. Respect him for his individuality and take responsibility for your own mistakes.
"Happily ever after" starts at the altar. The reality of living together brings the great things and not-so-great things into our lives. To make it work best, both partners must invest time, dedication, patience, faith and persistence in their relationship.
External difficulties will come. Don't let the internal ones destroy your marriage.
Translated and adapted by Vaughn Christensen from the article "10 provas que você está destruindo seu casamento" by Chris Ayres.
