Sometimes it's hard to tell what your husband is thinking. He stays quiet when he feels down or stressed out. Or he tries to assure you everything is okay when you know in your gut something is wrong. But there are subtle signs something serious is brewing and your marriage might be in trouble. Here are four more of them:
1. Separate sleeping
Most couples enjoy sharing a marital bed. Some circumstances might keep spouses from sleeping in the same bedroom; like a child having a spell of nightmares, excessive snoring from one of the spouses that keeps the other from getting adequate rest or an ill, elderly parent needing overnight care. But when all is well with the rest of the family and it's just your husband who doesn't want to slumber next to his wife, something is amiss. The intimacy and closeness created by sharing a bed is vitally important. When your husband would rather catch his rest away from you, he is deepening the divide he already feels in the marriage. Take this seriously.
2. Delaying more children
If you and your husband had always planned on having more children, take note if he suddenly wants to put those plans on hold. There are some reasonable motives for this change of heart, like changing locations or careers, financial pressure or illness in the family that requires more attention. But if the household seems to be doing well there's no reason to delay growing your family.
Your husband could be pumping the breaks because he's not sure if he wants to bring another child into a family that will ultimately end up fractured. Don't push for more kids with a man who's not sure about having them. Focus on your marriage first and find out why he's hesitating.
3. Voluntary job transfer
Changing jobs and moving out-of-town can break-up families. It causes stress, anxiety and sometimes resentment for being uprooted from friends and family. So when a man volunteers to move many miles away from his family to take a job in another city or state (likely leaving his wife and kids behind for some time), take a closer look at his rationale.
Some financial stress could be alleviated with a bigger salary, more benefits and better chances to move up, so if your husband is offered this new position and promotion he would be hard-pressed not to take it - even if it were disruptive to his current family life. But if he goes out of his way to ask for a new position, far from his family for basically the same pay, there don't appear to be any benefits for the family. However, your husband does have something to gain: distance.
4. Sudden weight loss
Taking your health seriously and deciding to lose weight sounds like a great thing in a marriage. Unfortunately, it's also one of the issues that can precipitate or contribute to many divorces. When a couple decides to get into shape together, this is a bonding experience they can share. When one spouse decides to get healthy on their own, under certain circumstances it can create a rift in the marriage and cause tension. If there is not support given, different lifestyles and eating habits are hard to reconcile under one roof.
Sudden weight loss can also be a premeditated move toward meeting someone new; albeit by ending a marriage or beginning an affair. If your newly svelte husband doesn't seem excited about sharing his fitness journey with you, or even encourages you to stick to your unhealthy habits, your marriage might be in serious trouble. Keep in mind that losing weight doesn't necessarily mean he's trying to move out of the marriage, but if enough of the signs fit together, it's time to have a heart-to-heart converstation to figure out what's really going on.
You can't make a good decision with bad information. So finding out what your husband is thinking and why is critical to maintaining your marriage and family. You don't want to create a disaster in your mind when there is none, but these signs can surely spell rough times ahead.
