One month before I got married, I called off my engagement. It was the most important decision I'd ever made. I'd spent years of uncertainty in dating and months of anxiety during the engagement trying to decide if what I felt was "normal" or if God was warning me something wasn't right.
I absolutely made the right choice.
Now, years later, I'm marrying the love of my life. There's a night and day difference between how I feel, but that doesn't mean there have never been any doubts. I've learned from first hand experience what doubts are normal in a great relationship, and which ones signal it's time to run.
If you think you've found the one, but are still having some hesitations, don't throw away your relationship because of these five concerns:
Am I ready to never be single again?
As you approach marriage, you realize you will never have the thrill of the first kiss again or the giddy excitement of a cute guy getting your number. Single life is fun, and briefly mourning that it is over doesn't mean you haven't found the right person.
You should NOT be looking around at other guys wishing you could date them, but if you're feeling sentimental about saying goodbye to your single status, it's nothing to be concerned about.
"Am I really ready for marriage?"
Becoming a wife is pretty intimidating. Yes, it's exciting, but it also involves a lot of responsibility. You'll probably never completely feel ready for marriage. There is always one more bucket list item you could check off or one trait you've been meaning to work on.
Marriage isn't the end. You'll have someone to do those bucket list items with and nothing will help you develop into a more selfless person than being married. Remember this when doubting your heart.
If you're ready to join another family
When you get married, you suddenly split your time between two (quirky) families. His family is different than yours. If you haven't navigated through all the different quirks, don't stress. It's normal to be apprehensive about gaining another family. You've got time to figure it out.
If you're ready to adult
Nothing felt more adult to me than when I started paying for insurance ... until I decided to get married. It's human nature to have Peter Pan syndrome (the desire to never grow up), and nothing says adulting more than marriage.
Being not-so-excited to take on full adult responsibilities is nothing new. Unfortunately, we don't live in Neverland and you can't run away from growing up forever. Why not do it with someone you love?
If you're ready to share your finances
You probably didn't have much money to throw around before you met your sweetie, but you'll have even less after the "I do's." Finances are one of the top reasons for divorce, so worrying about them is justified.
The trick here is to use those worries in a positive way. Take a budgeting class together. Read "Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. Do something to generate money conversations. This can help calm your doubts. Eventually you'll realize that you might not be able to peruse the dollar section at Target like you did before, but would you really choose that over spending your life with him?
People will try to convince you that if he is the one, you wouldn't have any doubts. Don't believe them. You know your heart best. If it feels right deep in your gut, these little worries will go away. Don't give up the best thing in your life for concerns that are completely normal to have.
