Most couples don't purposely try to bring out the worst in each other, but it can happen. You may be doing things that are turning your usually great, amazing husband into a bad one. Are you guilty of any of these five things?
1. You take him for granted
It is quite easy to take someone for granted. You get used to the little things they do that seemed so amazing when you first met: getting the door for you, taking out the trash, killing spiders and filling your car with gas. You may get so used to them you come to expect them, rather than appreciate them. When this happens, it can cause friction in your relationship.
Not only is he going out of his way to help you, but now he is no longer getting thanked for it. It may cause him to stop trying so hard to make your life easier. It may make him realize that he doesn't have to spend his Saturday holding your purse while you try on clothes or even be there for you when you really need him.
When someone does not feel appreciated, things can escalate quickly. He may not require a fanfare of gratitude after every little deed, but don't forget to acknowledge the little things, no matter how long he has been doing them.
2. You over-criticize
Over-criticizing or nagging a man can seem like a simple thing to stop doing, but it's not. It can be natural to point out what he did wrong or to express your dissatisfaction with something he's doing. The words come out of your mouth before you think twice about it.
You may be upset that you have now asked your husband five times to pick up his dirty socks, but all he is hearing is nag, nag, nag. He knows his socks are there. He knows he needs to pick them up. But HE is going to decide when to do it.
Over time, over-criticizing can really affect a man. He may never say a word, and then one day he explodes! He can't take it anymore. You may not even be aware you are doing it, but try to be more conscious of it. No one likes to be constantly criticized.
3. You simplify his role
A man's role is not as clear as it once was. Before, a man knew it was his job to work outside the home and provide for the family. Now that is not the case. A lot of couples both work, or just the woman works and the man stays home. There are all sorts of different configurations. The woman's role is also not as clear. While she used to be the primary caregiver, it is more common for both parents to split parenting responsibilities now, especially if both are working.
It is important to make sure your husband knows his role. Most men like to feel needed and like they are making a difference in the home. When they don't, they may give up on even trying. Pretty soon you find yourself cooking, cleaning, working full-time, tending to kids and carpooling while your husband is sitting on the couch watching TV. Then you will be the one to explode!
Women are very strong and make it clear that they do not need a man to survive or even succeed. But don't forget that if you do have a man, he needs to feel like he has value in the relationship.
4. You don't compromise
They say marriage is all about compromise, and while you may feel you made a lot of compromises in the beginning of the relationship when you were figuring things out as newlyweds, it doesn't end there. You may have to compromise every day, from how many times you hit snooze (you would do it three or four times, but he gets annoyed after the first one) to where you go for dinner (you're a vegetarian but he loves BBQ).
If you stop compromising on the little things, it will get old for him really fast. There are only so many times he can eat tofu before he can't take it anymore. He may make plans without you or stop going out altogether. Make sure you are doing things he enjoys just as often as you are doing the things you like.
5. Your expectations are too high
This is a tricky one. You may have married the most perfect man around, but if you expect him to be perfect, then you can get let down quickly. As soon as you start expecting things, problems occur. He may not have realized you expected him to take that box out to the garage and just walked right over it as he left the house. Now you're let down, and he doesn't even know why.
The best way to solve this problem is communication. Be very clear with what your needs, wants and desires are so he knows what you expect from him. Just tell him instead of making him read your mind. And remember, no one is perfect.
While no one can make someone behave badly, our actions can definitely have consequences. If we are aware of things we do that bother our man, then we can make an effort to correct them and vice versa.
