Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted by their significant other. It can be a huge boost to your confidence to finally feel like someone absolutely adores you. However, if he actually loves you for all the wrong reasons, it can come as a crushing blow. Here are five signs his love isn't in the right place:
1. You're his type
If his love for you is heavily based on his physical attraction to you, things might seem fine now. But everyone ages and changes, and in a few years his eyes will start to wander.
He may also have a specific type and could just as easily "love" someone who looks just like you ... but of course, isn't you. If he loves your looks only, you're utterly replaceable. Love based on physical features is fleeting and disingenuous.
2. You remind him of an ex
A man may use you to replace the woman he really wants; the one who got away. Your physical resemblance is usually the most important factor, but personality traits, mannerisms and values may also play a role. Some women might be flattered to be compared to a person their mate holds in high regard. But deep down it must be devastating to know your partner loves you because you're so much like someone else.
3. You fit into his world
Women are known for having a laundry list for the perfect man. But men can have them, too. Some men have a very specific place cut out in their well-designed lives that they want someone to fit into it, perfectly - like a puzzle piece finding its place. Since he has his spot picked out long before he's met anyone, he may try to trim, stretch and mold you to get you to fit snugly in place.
He won't encourage you to further develop or grow and achieve your own goals, or find your own success, because then you wouldn't fit. Again, you become replaceable. Anyone who fits will fill the space in his life.
4. You accept less
Relationships take a lot of work...work some men are not willing to put in. So they stick with the women who are willing to put up with a lackluster effort. If you stay with a man regardless of his abusive, neglectful, irresponsible or unfaithful ways he may grow to love how little he has to do to keep you.
This behavior isn't likely to change since he knows you won't leave. This kind of codependent romance is unhealthy, and ultimately his affinity for you would, again, be the same for another who's willing to settle for less.
5. You're his subordinate
Your man may love you because you let him lead. But this can go too far if your parter is too controlling. It may not rise to the level of domestic abuse, but a dominant partner can completely overshadow your life and be the reason why he loves you.
He sees you as easily controlled or manipulated, and uses you to serve his ego. This kind of guy thinks he's always right, makes decisions for you and your family without discussing it, has to have everything his way and tries to steer your feelings to match his. Even if he's the head of the household it doesn't mean he gets to be a dictator. He still has to be a partner.
It comes as an unwelcome surprise when love is not based on who you are, but how you fulfill a check list or role in your lover's life. In these relationships, his affection may be real but the love you feel is often an illusion. In any relationship, you should feel irreplaceable to your man, not a surrogate for a lost love or interchangeable with anyone else. Be sure to choose someone who falls in love with the inner beauty and uniqueness that makes you, you - and not anything else.
