Marriage is incredibly intimate and can be fragile at times. It is something that needs to be valued to work. To have a happy marriage, you need to take time and be thoughtful...unfortunately, "intimate", "being thoughtful" and "taking time" don't go really relate to how most of us post on social media. What you say and do online can create serious problems in your relationship. Here are five things married couples should not do on social media - for the sake of their marriage.
When posting online, don't:
1. Argue
I don't know if there's truth to the saying "what happened in Vegas, stays in Vegas", but there's definitely truth to the phrase "what happened on the internet, stays on the internet forever". Have you ever looked back at some of your arguments and thought: "What was I thinking? It was so unnecessary". We all grow, learn and become better people every day, so don't let some old Facebook post remind you about your spat over who does more dirty dishes. Don't let sad memories thrive on the web. Disagreements should remain private - just between you and your spouse. Learn from your disagreements privately, move on and don't let your quarrel become the next viral post.
2. Overshare
Websites are full of marriage quizzes, fun challenges and relationship IQ tests and couples often share their results on social media sites. It all seems cute and harmless, but truth to be told, a little bit of mystery and privacy is priceless. Saying 'I love you' to your spouse sitting next to you on the sofa is more meaningful and intimate than posting hearts on their Facebook page. No matter how many "I love yous" you post on your partner's Facebook, they can never replace that intimate and emotional connection you should have in person.
And if you really think about it, why everybody needs to know the exact place you're spending vacation in (burglary alert!) and everything you ordered to eat last night is beyond me. Meals not shared via Instagram taste just as good (or maybe even better!) than the ones that are shared. Put away your phone and spend that time with your spouse instead of scrolling.
3. Be passive-aggressive
Posting passive-aggressive comments under your friend's photo of their anniversary flowers ("I wish my husband would love me like your hubby loves you") doesn't do anybody any good. Your husband may feel betrayed and hurt because you haven't talked to him directly about your feelings. And your friends may feel embarrassed and not sure how to respond. Avoid being passive-aggressive on and off line.
4. Invade your partner's privacy
This is a very important one! Don't snoop on your partner's social media sites without their permission (unless you have a clear understanding that you're allowed to do it). You probably won't find the drama you're looking for, but you might ruin your birthday surprise. And remember to not post about your partner without their permission. Your spouse might not want that photo of them from 20 years ago floating around on the internet.
5. Post on behalf of each other/have one account
Having shared social media accounts is not the end of the world, but it's confusing to your friends ("Who am I supposed to address when commenting on this post?"). It also doesn't allow your friends to message just one of you about a personal and sensitive matter. Maybe your friends are planning a surprise party for you but can't message your husband about the details because of your shared account. Having transparency and honesty in your marriage is an admirable attribute, but there is something to be said about maintaining your own privacy even after you get married.
It's fair to say that social media is here to stay. If we're going to benefit from it fully, we need to understand the opportunities and responsibilities social media brings. Please remember, tweeting is fun, but taking time to appreciate your life and marriage will make you truly happy.
