Almost everyday, I talk to someone whose marriage is in crisis. They often feel desperate, exhausted and alone. It's a heartbreaking scenario when the dreams of "Happily Ever After" are crushed, and in the midst of all the pain and confusion, it is nearly impossible to think clearly about what next steps to take.
People who choose to get divorced have often endured years of frustration and exhaustion, but the problem is, we tend to make our worst decisions when we're exhausted and frustrated. These questions can help you approach these major life decisions with more clarity.
Divorce is way too big a decision to make lightly or emotionally, so please take the time to think through what you do next. For anyone considering Divorce as an option, I would strongly encourage you to ask yourself these questions:
1. Have I done everything in my power to save this marriage?
Granted, you cannot control your spouse's actions or their desires, but have you done everything in your power to bring healing and hope? If not, write down a list of things you could do and start doing them. Marriage is always worth fighting for!
2. Am I trusting my Faith more than my Feelings?
Feelings are fickle and in many divorce scenarios, people are pursuing an illusion of happiness instead of trusting God's plan to bring wholeness, health and peace.
3. Is Divorce the best possible choice?
I believe that in some scenarios where there is a pattern of broken trust through adultery or physical abuse, the only viable option is divorce, but in most scenarios, divorce creates more problems than it solves. In most cases, couples with lasting marriages aren't the ones who never had a reason to get divorced; they're simple the ones who choose to work through their issues together.
4. Who are my biggest influences right now?
When you're in the fragile state of marital breakdown, your support network is vital and they will have a tremendous amount of influence in your decisions. The best advice you'll receive will come from people who love you AND love your spouse AND love God. If they're missing any part of that equation, their advice won't be grounded with wisdom.
5. What am I teaching my children by getting a Divorce?
There is never a scenario where Divorce doesn't impact the children involved. Their faith and their security are often shattered and the fallout can linger for decades. I know because I deal with those devastated from their parents' divorce constantly. If you're leaving your spouse for another person, in terms of character, it's not much different than taking your kids to a different family and trading them in for other children who you find to be more attractive or polite than your own kids.
6. Am I willing to stay single for the rest of my life?
If you answer "No," then your motivation for the divorce is probably unhealthy. If you see divorce as an opportunity to play the field or to find someone who will appreciate you and do all the things your spouse isn't doing, then you need to stay and fix your own marriage. If your grass looks greener on the other side, you don't need to move; you need to stay home and water your own grass!
If you do find yourself in the midst of a heartbreaking divorce, please don't lose hope. Know that God loves you, He is with you and He has extraordinary plans for your life.
This article was originally published on Patheos. It has been republished here with permission.
