Admit it, there is not a single marriage that doesn't have disagreements. No matter how much you hate to fight, it is natural that disagreements arise in marriage. Many times the issues need to be addressed so you and your spouse can continue on your path toward happily ever after.
However, many problems go unresolved because couples use poor techniques to solve their problems. For a marriage to survive, couples must learn techniques for finding common ground and fighting fairly.
Here are six tips to help you and your spouse hash out your issues in a way that will bring you closer as a couple.
Say "I" statements instead of "you" statements
In a fight, a huge tendency is to say "You did this" or "You hurt me by saying this." The common thread is beginning each statement with a "you." This is a form of pointing the finger. It only causes your spouse to become defensive and to shut down.
Instead of saying "you," begin each statement with "I feel." Say, "I feel hurt by ..." Or say, "Those actions make me feel ..." Never begin by pointing the finger. The purpose of every fight should be to discuss your issues, not to throw accusations at the person you love.
Always listen and don't interrupt with a "but"
Listening is key to any good marriage. Always listen to everything your spouse has to say. Do not interrupt with a rebuttal. Try to withhold the "buts." Sit back and listen to their concerns. Always address them with the respect they deserve.
Look for solutions instead of blame
When we were children, our natural instinct was to put the blame on someone else instead of taking responsibility. Sometimes, we carry that tendency into adulthood. To fight fair in your marriage, you must not do this.
Do not blame your spouse for your problems. There are two people in your marriage, and it takes two to tango. Always look for solutions. When an issue arises in your marriage, set goals on how you can change for the better as a couple. The more you do this, the closer you will become.
Don't let corrections or distractions enter the fight
Nothing is more irritating in a fight than when the other person begins to correct you. Don't be the person who points out that it was actually $25 instead of $20 that you spent on the shoes. These are distractions from the real problem. The details do not matter if they distract from the root of the issue. Pointing out how your spouse is wrong can lead to more anger and eventually contempt. Avoid correcting unnecessary things and listen to what your spouse has to say.
Sometimes a cool-off period is needed
Everything doesn't always need to be settled in one day. Sometimes it is necessary to sleep on it or take a little break from the issue and approach it at another time. This doesn't mean forget it and leave it unresolved. This is just a short period of time when you both can collect your thoughts and calm down.
When you decide to take a break, set a time when you will address the issue again. Don't try to move on without resolving the issue. It will eventually cause even more problems.
Just be quiet and touch
When it is time to talk, the best way to initiate a conversation is to begin with a touch. Gently touch your spouse's shoulders or hold hands. This will signal that this is not the time to argue your lungs out, but to have a decent conversation with the one you love and calmly voice your concerns.
After all is said and done, the best way to reconnect with your spouse is through touch. This lets your spouse know that you still love him or her when the fight has ended. Touching is a signal to your spouse that they're still the most important person in your life. So, be quiet and hug it out.
Fighting fairly in your marriage will help you and your spouse grow closer as a couple. It will ensure that your marriage lasts forever.
To see these tips in action be sure to check out the documentary "The Armor of Light." Click here to buy tickets today.
