Do you find yourself thinking negatively about your marriage more often than not? This might mean you are sabotaging your marriage and not even realize it. These actions, when left ignored long term, can break unions beyond repair. These habits do not serve your marriage in a positive way. Here are signs you need to look out for and how to solve them.

You sweep negative feelings under the rug.

Some people avoid conflict as much as they can. They might feel anxious talking about issues or not have the confidence needed to stand up for themselves. They prefer to hide their feelings because, in their mind, tough conversations are not worth the hassle. If this is something you do, then you need to start working on your conversation skills. Tackling problems head-on might feel uncomfortable, lead to more arguments, and be stressful. However, ignoring problems is worse, and causes resentment, anger, and passive-aggressiveness in your marriage. Issues plaguing your relationship need to be addressed in a healthy way to serve your marriage in the long run.

You do not discuss intimacy problems.

Similar to hiding your own feelings, not communicating about your intimate needs will cause more harm than good in your marriage. If you are feeling unsatisfied in the bedroom, you are likely to have less physical connection overall. Sexual intimacy is a key part of a healthy relationship, and you must advocate for your needs. Your partner may feel more like you than you think – they might also be afraid to express their desires. Your partner likely wants to please you, but you must be able to tell how they can.

You use your phone too much.

We are in an era where almost everyone is addicted to their phones. Social media, email, and text messaging are set up in a way that makes the user feel compelled to pick up their phone throughout the day, regardless of what other activities they may have going on. The time spent scrolling on your phone, though, is the time taken away from your spouse. It does not allow you to focus on the environment around you. You and your spouse may sit for hours in the living room together, but if those hours are used only being glued to your phones, then quality time is not actually occurring. Prioritize your spouse by putting your phone away more often. Having no phones in the bedroom or at the dinner table are great places to start.

You focus too much on yourself.

A huge pitfall that anyone can fall into is the “me” trap. Instead of thinking how you can serve your spouse and improve their side of the relationship, you only start asking yourself, “what can I get out of this relationship?” Your main goal should be serving your spouse, and their main goal should be serving you. When you start only thinking about what makes you happy, you make your partner feel that their needs, wants, and desires are not necessary anymore. It would help if you wanted your partner always to feel special and look for ways to make them smile. Marriages are never 50/50. Instead, it would be best if you always strived to give your best.

You do not take risks to improve your marriage.

When you start noticing things are going wrong in your marriage, such as a disconnect in communication or lack of spending time together, do you try to fix the problem or ignore it? It is easy to keep moving through life and acting like nothing is wrong, but someone needs to be brave in the marriage. This means being vulnerable and putting yourself out there. Show your spouse that your marriage is essential to you, so you want to fix the issues that arise. Maybe that means creating a weekly date schedule or buying your spouse flowers once a month. It could be as simple as giving them a daily compliment to show you appreciate them. Actively make a choice to do more for your partner.

You pick fights with your partner.

Nit-picking every little thing your partner does wrong will only cause huge fights. No relationship is perfect, but choosing to blow up everything that goes wrong can lead your marriage to misery. Similarly, bringing up the same point of contention repeatedly can leave you both feeling exhausted. Search for compromises, even if you only agree to disagree. Put your relationship first. This might mean letting your pride go for the sake of not adding more stress to your marriage. If you catch yourself always picking apart what your partner does, trying stepping back and looking at it from their perspective. They might not see it in the way you do, and you might not be seeing it in the positive ways they are.

No marriage is perfect, but these actions will tear your marriage apart brick by brick. Making small changes can turn your marriage around. Respecting your spouse, offering support, and putting in hard work will serve your marriage and help it grow.