Marriage changes who you are. It changes your title, your social status and your name. So it's no wonder this change is going to require you to leave behind some other aspects of who you were before you got married.
The thing is, if you hang on to pieces of your single self, you may actually destroy the new self the two of you are building together. Here are 7 things you must abandon when you get married, or you might kill your marriage.
1. Other relationships
Once you tie the knot, your marriage must be your priority. Do not entertain one-on-one relationships with people of the opposite sex. Your intentions may be harmless, but what starts off as friendly Facebook messaging can escalate. Having a physical affair is not the only way you can be unfaithful to your spouse.
Above all, no relationship is more important than your relationship with your spouse. This means your parents, best friends and even your kids should not be prioritized above your partner.
2. Pornography
Although many people believe pornography helps their marriages, study after study reveals that sexually explicit material actually destroys relationships. Studies show those who watch porn are less attracted to their partner and less satisfied with his/her sexual performance. In fact, people who view porn frequently have sex less often than those who don't.
If you want to make your marriage strong, you need to completely abandon sexually explicit material.
3. Your way
Maybe your partner uses paper towels to wipe the table off, but you use rags; maybe you like to leave your used cup by the sink, but your partner likes a clear counter. You've grown up with different habits, and you might not have even realized there are other ways of doing these things. There's not necessarily a right or wrong way of doing this stuff, just different ways. When you get married, you need to abandon "your way," make some compromises and figure out how you can do things in a way that meshes both of your styles.
4. Independence
Your wagon is hitched to your partner's so you can't go ride off into the sunset by yourself. Gone are the days where you can drop a wad of money on a new Apple Watch without consulting anyone. When you get married, you need to tell your spouse where you're going and consult with him or her when making big decisions. Not treating your spouse like your partner can jeopardize your relationship. You are no longer a lone ranger, so don't act like it.
5. Secrets
When you get married, you become an open book. Don't rationalize not sharing things with your spouse. By knowing you and your spouse don't have anything to hide from each other, you can be more confident in your relationship because you develop trust.
6. Selfishness
Don't try to make it about you because it's not. Everything is now about the both of you. In order for your relationship to be successful, you need to abandon selfishness. This means your interests shouldn't be your first priority. Don't allow your career, talents or hobbies to interfere with your relationship. Sometimes you may have to sacrifice what you want at times.
Do what you can to put your spouse's needs and desires before your own.
7. Nagging
You picked the person you married. In other words, you didn't pick someone else. So don't try to change him into someone he is not. While marriage is an excellent tool for learning and progression, be careful about how you present your critiques. If you are constantly badgering your spouse about something, chances are you are doing more damage than construction.
