By nature, most women are more emotional than men. That's not a bad thing when those emotions lead to empathy and caring. But let's talk about those "over-the-top" emotional responses to what life dishes out. How you deal with life's events has everything to do with how happy your marriage is.
Here are a few signs that you're being a little too emotional for your hubby to handle.
1. He stops telling you the truth
Some women can't handle the truth. They fall apart. As a result, their husbands end up hiding the truth to avoid the tirade of emotions poured out upon them. A man can handle just so much of that, and then, like a trip to the dentist, he'll avoid it - even if it means lying to his wife.
2. He isn't as romantic as he used to be
Too much negative emotion from you will diminish your husband's romantic feelings. It's hard to feel tender, loving thoughts of intimacy with a person who is emotionally volatile. If this side of your relationship is suffering, look to what your emotional outbursts (or "silent treatments" - another form of emotional response) are doing to discourage your husband from being more loving and vulnerable.
Counselor, Shannon Ethridge, said, "Women share part of the blame when their husbands pull away from them emotionally. Sometimes, it is the women's attitudes or behaviors that have caused the men to become frigid. It is not that love has died between them; it is just that the husband has shut down emotionally because of how his wife treats him."
3. He zones out when you talk
It's as if he has turned off his hearing aids and his mind is far away from anything you are saying. He doesn't hear you. He doesn't want to hear you. He's tired of hearing you because you so often erupt into emotional overdose. Guys can do that. They just "turn you off" after awhile. It's their survival mode. If you want hubby to hear you, tone it down a little, and be rational.
4. He avoids talking to you about things that upset you
This is different from lying to you. This is your husband's decision to keep things to himself rather than talk to you about them. That way, he doesn't have to lie to you. He doesn't want to upset you, so he keeps quiet. But life comes with challenges, and both you and hubby must be able to talk about and effectively deal with whatever happens. You both need that kind of emotional maturity from each other.
5. He stays away from home longer
No man wants to come home to a barrage of emotional outbursts - crying, sulking, making demands ... That's too great a burden to bear. He'll find somewhere else to go where he doesn't have to endure it. Staying late at work becomes more appealing. The local bar becomes a place to drown out miseries - only to cause more later. Don't let your emotional reactions drive your man to unhealthy outlets.
6. He loses his temper
Sometimes, a guy's automatic response to an out-of-control wife is to holler at her. He simply doesn't know how to deal with her and resorts to yelling at her to stop. He may blast her with a volley of insults that have been building up inside him. If this happens, calm down. It will do wonders to help your husband be calm. While you aren't responsible for his temper, you should evaluate your part in it.
7. He seeks companionship with someone else
It may be his buddies. Hanging out with them is much less stressful than hanging out with a sobbing, complaining wife. A little time with buddies can be a good thing, but when this becomes hubby's escape, that's evidence he's not wanting to be where his wife's emotions are in full swing. Worst of all, don't nudge your husband into the arms of a calm, understanding "other woman." You be the understanding woman in his life.
Takeaway tip
Learn how to take control of your emotions. In essence, take care of yourself by eating properly. Get enough sleep. Take breaks now and then - even just a walk in the sunshine can help keep your emotions in check. Make the effort, and not only will your man love you for it but your life will be much happier.
For more on marriage from the Lundbergs, see their two short e-books, "Wake Up Call - What Every Wife Needs to Know" and "What Every Husband Needs to Know."
