Feminism is not the death of marriage or the destruction of traditional families or communities. A challenge to the role men and women play in their homes and in society? Perhaps. But the end of family values and lifelong commitment? Not by a long shot. So let's look at what a true feminist really wants in life and love and help her husband understand how he fits into their marriage and family.
1. She still needs you
Demanding equality in a partnership and societal value within herself does not mean a wife doesn't want or need her husband. It simply means that marriage vows and motherhood are not what define her or give her value. Who she is as a person does. And desiring to walk through life shoulder-to-shoulder with a man who respects her opinions and gives her freedom to be the person she chooses to be is not a cry for solitude but sanctuary.
2. She doesn't hate men
A true feminist does not hate men. The anger and repulsion for the control and brutalization of women throughout history does not allow true feminists to punish men today for the mistakes of their forefathers. A true feminist is an educator and walks in the truth she speaks. She believes all people have their rights to freedom and happiness and would never trample on those of men because of gender.
3. Independence is not disconnection
A wife needs a private life, a life of her own in which she can remember who she is and find her value without the influence of others. This is not a means of disconnection from her home and family but instead of continuing the connection to herself that can be so easily lost in the bustle of childrearing and wedded bliss. Women need hobbies, friends and a nice night off every once in a while.
4. Equality is not dominance
It is difficult for some men to deal with a voice and mindset different from their own. A man like this may be used to and expect complete support from his spouse, with no dissenting opinion. It takes a strong man to see his wife on equal footing when they are on opposite sides of an argument. Just as a man expressing himself does not mean he is intending to dominate his partner, neither is a feminist's exercise in self-expression an attempt to dominate her partner. Equality means just that: no one is dominating the other.
5. The new status quo
It is no longer divide and conquer with the husband as the bread-winner and the wife as the homemaker. Both spouses make the home whole, each in his or her own unique way. Utilizing one's natural strengths and talents and combining them with those of the other will create the strongest household. Whoever cooks best cooks; whoever has higher income works. There are no rules but those you make for yourself. Additionally, how happy each partner is in his or her role should always be an important factor in determining the delegation of responsibilities.
6. Self-reflection is a stepping stone
A feminist is willing to look at her flaws and find a means of healing and growing, while encouraging her husband to do the same. These practices will only make the individual and the relationship blossom into something even greater.
7. Pride and ego have to go
Your relationship and home health are more important than any ideal you may have in mind or that has been thrust upon you. Pride stands in the way of love, and ego motivates destructive behaviors through fear. Traditional or progressive, feminist or patriarchal, what you think is right or should make you happy can never get in the way of what keeps you together and whole.
Every couple must find their own rhythm. Relationships are built on loyalty, respect, trust and commitment. Feminism means only to fuel this fire. So a husband can rejoice in the comfort of having a strong woman by his side, who is willing to do anything to fight for what they've made.
