You’ve been married for years. There have been ups and downs, good times and bad. You know everything there is to know about each other, and the honeymoon phase of dating has long withered away. When you have been together with someone for so long, sometimes things get a bit stale.
You might be at a point where you feel more like roommates than you do lovers. You don't find anything bad about your husband, yet you aren't feeling the excitement and drive to be with him like you once did. So what do you do now?
There are tips and tricks that will help you rekindle that flame you once had with your husband and make you fall in love with him all over again. You'll create a deeper kind of love that will make you stronger than ever before.
Value the things he does for you.
Think of all the valuable things your husband does for you that you take for granted. Do you still say thank you when he does the dishes for you after a long day, or appreciate him when he rounds up the kids and puts them to bed so you can finish getting work done? Make it a point to let him know that you notice these things. Thank him with a beautiful hand-written note or making his favorite meal for him once a week. The little actions of gratitude will improve your bond with your husband.
Resist entering into a critical mindset.
There may be a time when your partner did something that hurt you, and never apologized for it. Maybe they even continue to do it, despite you letting them know that it bothers you. This can cause you to develop bitterness towards them. At some point, any person in a marriage may find themselves observing their partner through a critical lens. It’s important to refocus that negative mindset, as it only pushes you further away from love. Stop putting so much stock in the negative things he does and judging him for every move he makes. That makes a house where he feels like he is constantly walking on eggshells, which is not fair.
Encourage him to go out with his friends.
When you have been together with someone for so long, you tend to get comfortable with them and forget to value each other’s privacy and space. Allowing your husband to go out and have fun with his friends and enjoy his own hobbies will give him an opportunity to explore the things he loves, while giving you time away to do the things you love. You could even throw a party at your house and invite his close friends as a way of showing that you respect his interests. He will appreciate the effort you put in and show you love in return.
Make dates a priority.
The time you guys spend together by yourselves needs to be a priority. You don’t have to do anything fancy or expensive to enjoy each other’s company. It could be as simple as having a picnic in a local park or walking through an art museum. Spending one on one time together without thinking about your piles of chores, worrying about the kids schedules, or focusing on your work to-do list will really strengthen your bond. A marriage should be about always dating the person you are with, which requires quality time with your 100 perfect focused attention.
Nurture yourself.
Marriage is about giving, but make sure you find time for yourself, too. To have a good marriage, you need to be the best version of yourself, too. Learn how to prioritize and put boundaries around activities that keep you healthy and whole — activities like rest, relaxation, fitness, and time with friends. In other words, remember that scheduling "me" time into your day is not selfish, it's a necessity. It will strengthen your relationship because you will feel independent by yourself, but strong as an “us” couple.
Initiate physical touch.
This doesn’t have to do with bedroom play at all. This is just a touch of a hand, a rub on the back, a hug, or a kiss on the forehead. To touch someone you love is to acknowledge their presence and to communicate your desire for them. You might be feeling like roommates with your husband because you don’t put in the effort to share these intimate gestures with each other. So next time you both are watching the television together, go sit down next to him and snuggle up under a warm blanket. This will bring you both closer to one another.
Take the help of a professional counselor.
A third-person view of your relationship will actually give you a very invaluable and eye-opening perspective. There is no shame in saying that you need help in your marriage, but instead it shows that you are committed to making it work. You also don’t have to go together if you aren’t ready for that step. You can each go to a therapist on your own if you have certain issues you want to work out before joining together in a session.
Be open to the numerous ways in which you can reignite the flames of lost love in your relationship. Your husband is not the enemy, and by reshifting how you see him you’ll again find the man you once loved. By being open, responsive, patient and faithful to your husband, you can actually save your relationship from ending disastrously. You can continue to have a powerful and successful marriage.
