"Love is blind," that is, until you've been married awhile. When the honeymoon is over and life settles in, you may start to discover various flaws, annoying habits or things that make life more difficult that your spouse says or does. If your wife is a nag and terrible housekeeper or your husband has bad manners or doesn't help out around the house, then this article is for you. Say goodbye to the undesirable and hello to the "perfect" person you thought you married. You CAN change your spouse with a few easy techniques.
1. Look for the positive and focus on it
Even if you think your husband does nothing right, there really are good things about him. Start small, and then gradually increase your list. Think back to what attracted you to him in the first place. Was it his good looks? Did he treat you kindly? Is he a hard worker? Is there great physical chemistry? Write these positive traits down and add to the list as you think of more. Is he a good father? What special skills or talents does he possess? Look for the positive and focus on it. The good traits will start to stand out, and you will begin to notice more to add to the list.
2. Be positive when talking to or about your spouse
When you speak to your wife, make sure you talk to her as an equal. Show respect in your words and actions. It may be tempting to bash on your wife with your friends or family, but this will only exacerbate the problem. If there is a real issue that needs to be dealt with, either talk and work it out with her or talk to a professional about it. When you speak positively to and about your wife, your love for her will shine through and keep your focus on the good.
3. Compliment the good and ignore the bad
You may be able to see a lot of the good in your wife, but you can still see the bad. Try to ignore what you don't like. If that is impossible, use constructive criticism. Make sure your words and tone are full of love and compassion, or you may damage the relationship. Be sure to frequently compliment the things you love about her and the things you see that she is doing well as well as the things she is striving to improve. As you do this, she will feel respected, supported, validated and it may help her to feel that what she does is less thank-less.
4. Be thoughtful and serve
Since marriage is a partnership, we ought to look for ways to help our spouse whether they are having a hard day or "just because." Send love notes in your husband's work lunch or leave them in his car. Plan a date night he would enjoy. Make him his favorite dinner. Give him time to unwind from the day before venting the day's frustrations. The focus should be on him. What would make him feel good? What would make his day better? How can you show him you love him? Service can go a long way in changing your spouse.
By following these tips, your husband or wife will feel more loved and appreciated and thus be inspired to be better and try harder. Maybe all of the bad habits won't fade away, but you'll notice them less. The more we strive to see what is good, be positive and to simply love our spouse, the less frustrated and annoyed we'll be. Your marriage will be more happy and fulfilling. And, maybe, your spouse won't be the only spouse in the partnership who has changed.
