When you two said your "I do's," you never imagined there would come a day where you wanted to say "I don't." Maybe you still love your husband, but most of the time, you really don't like him. You two hardly talk anymore, and when you do, it's because you're arguing about something.
There's that old phrase that says, "Women expect everything to change after marriage, and men expect nothing to change." Following this adage can cause some dangerous rifts between you and your husband, and you're starting to wonder if you can even see a future with him anymore.
Having these thoughts are real, painful and terrifying. Even if you've been hurt, the most important thing to remember in a difficult situation is that hope isn't lost. If you and your husband are both willing to fight for your marriage, love will win.
You fell in love with him once, you can do it again
A woman once shared her experience of falling out of love with her husband and crawling back into love.
She said that every time she had a bad thought about her husband, she challenged herself to think of 10 things she liked about him. This helped her to avoid his faults that had once driven her crazy.
"Slowly something wonderful was happening," she said. "First, I began to realize that Mark (name has been changed) wasn't the big jerk I thought he was. He had many wonderful traits that I had overlooked or forgotten. Second, in the absence of my nagging, Mark started fixing a lot of the bad habits I had hounded him about for so long."
Don't expect things to be the same as they used to be
Some people think that just because those butterflies they once felt have disappeared, they're not in love anymore. As you spend more and more time with your spouse, your love will change and develop into something deeper than you've ever experienced.
Learn to love your spouse in a new way - don't expect it to feel the same as when you first started crushing on them.
Take a trip down memory lane
While things are definitely going to be different from the way things used to be, you can still bring back a spark to your relationship. A great way to do this is to go back to places or recreate memories you and your honey have shared together.
Go back to the porch where you two shared your first kiss and walk around the park where he proposed. It's sure to bring back some of those tender feelings you two once shared.
Be his friend
Sometimes the first step to falling back in love with your husband and your marriage is strengthening a friendship with him. Do fun things together - sometimes a night in watching Netflix is great, but maybe not for a struggling marriage. Get out there and make memories. Go to an amusement park, hike that mountain you see every day or take a pottery class together.
As you create these new memories together, you'll find more joy in the relationship as it is now, and you'll feel less resentment that things aren't as great as they used to be. You'll learn to fall in love with your marriage as it is now.
Talk to each other
Ask your husband about his day and tell him about yours - choose to confide in each other. Even if you're not sure you want to talk to him about something, do it anyway. He's your husband and deserves your honesty.
It's impossible not to love someone whom you trust, so if you learn to trust your husband, love will come back into your relationship. And with that trust and love comes forgiveness, selflessness, strength and confidence in your marriage.
Tell him you love him every single day
Even if you're upset with him, tell him you love him. On your worst days and on his worst days, tell him you love him. When you're not sure if you really love him, tell him anyway. There's some truth to the phrase "fake it 'til you make it."
Love is fluid and ever-changing. Some people think that your love will stay the same no matter what, but if you're not working to strengthen it, love will grow weak. The good news is that if you choose to fight, your love will win and you can have a strong, successful marriage that overcomes the odds.
