No one gets married with the thought of divorcing their spouse one day, and when a marriage gets to the point of divorce, it can be one of the most heart breaking and draining times in a person’s life.

So how do you leave a marriage gracefully? Every marriage is different, and when someone decides to end their marriage, there’s no manual on the "right" things to do for a specific situation. However, divorces can get messy, and to avoid throwing salt on any open wounds, it should be handled delicately.

To evade any more heartache as you transition into a new phase of life, use this as your guide to leaving your marriage peacefully and gracefully.

Acknowledge and make peace with your decision.

Pause, and take a deep breath. If you’ve gotten to this point in your marriage, there has been an array of emotions that have been swirling around inside of you for months, year’s maybe. You didn’t ask for this, and when you took your vows, you never anticipated on it ever coming to this moment.  Leaving a marriage gracefully means acknowledging and making peace with the fact that the marriage is over.  Pinpoint the issues that are untreatable so that you have a solid foundation for why you are choosing to end the marriage. Making peace with the situation allows you to acknowledge that you did everything you could to save your marriage, but unfortunately it was something that couldn’t be saved.

Once you are able to make peace with your situation, it will make it a lot harder for the outside opinions, your emotions, or someone else’s from changing your mind. The situation itself will leave a person at their most vulnerable state, so it’s important to stand firmly in your decision. Making peace with the decision will allow you to think clearly and consciously with how to proceed further.

Choose forgiveness.

Whatever led you to divorce, be mindful that forgiveness is for you.  Finding forgiveness through this hard time will grant you the ability to move on. Whether you’re having to forgive yourself over things you felt you did wrong, or the wrongdoings of your partner, it’s important to forgive to establish healing.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are condoning bad behaviors or wrong doings, but choosing to give yourself a chance at a brighter future without holding a grudge. Holding on to any baggage or grudges will make you become a victim to your anger. Without forgiving, you are caught in a cycle of unresolved hate that will always follow you, even into future relationships.

Create an exit plan.

The more you are able to plan, the better your position will be in your post-divorce life. Pre-divorce planning isn’t about trying to take your spouse for all that you can. It’s about making smart and conscious decisions with a clear mind. Developing an exit plan involves carefully planning out all aspects of your life from where you are now to where you would like to be.  This includes looking at your finances, deciding where you will live, career planning, preparing your children if you have them, and setting goals for your future. Divorce is not an easy thing to go through, but going into it prepared emotionally and physically will make it easier to manage.

Communicate effectively with your spouse.

There is no easy way to tell someone you love that you want a divorce, so be mindful of the emotions the conversation may stir up and remember why it is important to remain calm. Both parties should enter into the divorce process equally prepared, and establishing effective communication will help that. There may be a lot of things that will need to be discussed in the future, whether that be agreements, dividing assets, or making arrangements, and if both parties aren’t able to communicate, it will just make the process more stressful.

Choose a time and place to have an intimate conversation with your spouse. Facing the person you committed to spending the rest of your life with will be hard, but whatever it was that led you two to this point, communicating effectively keeps both parties best interests.  While preparing for this conversation, it’s okay to prepare what you’ll say to the other person. It’s important to also be prepared for their reaction, whether that is anger, crying, denial, or blame.

Find your support system.

Having a support system in place before, during, and after divorce provides a lifeline of support for you to pull from through this difficult time. Be selective of who you open up to, and what it is you disclose with them. Your support system should bring compassion and comfort to your situation, without casting judgement. Choose family and friends who will honor who you are for support through this vulnerable transition.

Seeking support from an expert you can trust can help you to recover faster and gain a clearer picture of what lies ahead. Often times, especially in situations like divorce, it’s easy to run to friends and family to lean on. The reality of doing that is sometimes they’re not fully equipped to help with the complexities of divorce. This can easily and most times unintentionally lead you into a negative outcome. A divorce coach or therapist will become your unwavering support during the difficult times and help guide you to making the best possible decisions for your future. They will also keep you organized and help minimize legal expenses by offering pre-legal advice.

Be optimistic.

You are entering into a new phase of life. No it wasn’t planned, and yes, it’s going to hurt for a while, but deciding to leave your marriage gracefully has now set the tone for how you will heal from the situation. Right now things may be hard, but that doesn’t mean they will still be this hard months or years from now. Be optimistic of what lies ahead for you. You may change careers, buy a new home, relocate to a new city, or even fall in love again. Find comfort in knowing that you have now embarked on a journey to a happy life, featuring a happier version of yourself.