"I just don't love her anymore. I'm not feeling it."
"I don't think it is going to work out between us. I don't feel the same excitement with him."
There may come a time when the mundane routines of life suck the excitement out of your relationship. You may feel that you just don't love your spouse anymore and that things are not going to work out. A wise man once taught me the difference between passion and vision in a relationship.
Raging passion with no vision
Raging passion in a relationship is what you want! When you first met, you could not stop thinking about each other. Your first thought in the morning had you yearning to be with your love. Every waking moment you are looking forward to the time that you can be together.
She is perfect in your eyes and can do no wrong. Everything she says, does, believes and thinks is beautiful. He is your knight in shining armor. He loves you and makes you feel safe and protected. He can do and say no wrong in your eyes.
Your last thought before bed is consumed with a desire to once again be reunited with your soul mate. You are both ridiculously in love. This is raging passion.
Clear vision with no passion
Over time, it seems that the passion fades away. You become comfortable with each other and the burning flame of excitement seems to dim. You begin to see things a bit more clearly.
You notice that she doesn't take as much time making herself look pretty and you see that he can't seem to be able to say the right things anymore. You are not big fans of each other's parents, you have different ideas about how to raise and discipline children, you discover that there are things that you don't have in common and now you are starting to think that marriage wasn't such a good idea.
Now you see things clearly, everything before this was just puppy love.
Raging passion with a clear vision
Raging passion with no vision is for children. Clear vision with no passion leads to a dead end marriage. Where we should all be moving toward is to possess a raging passion with a clear vision.
This is the category you want to be in. These couples are still madly in love after decades of marriage. They long to be with each other and find the mundane routines of life to be a challenge to quickly overcome so that they can be gloriously reunited. They thrive with each other, laugh, play and experience the world together. They have personal goals and goals that they are working toward as a couple. Though they still acknowledge their own imperfections, they see the perfections of their spouse. These couples notice the positive. They work through challenges and disagreements with grace and skill always maintaining love and respect for each other.
Friedrich Nietzsche, the German poet and philosopher once stated, "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." Before you think of jumping off of the love boat because you can't seem to break out of the clear vision with no passion realm, consider a few alternatives that will help you re-fall in love with your spouse and regain that friendship you once had.
Create experiences
If you can't remember what happened yesterday you may be on autopilot. Staying on autopilot too long will strip the passion from your marriage. Snap out of it and do something together.
Make eye contact
How did you first get the attention of your spouse? That first gaze into each other's eyes created a powerful connection to your heart. Take a few minutes to look into the eyes of your spouse. This will help to create that spark that will lead to raging passion.
Talk
Instead of getting trapped in your smartphone, streaming media or video games, try having a conversation. Talk about whatever you want, ask questions and listen. Go for a walk around the block and talk about your hopes and dreams for the future.
Hold hands
Physical touch is one of the five love languages that will help keep your relationship strong. When you are together, hold hands. This simple act will help you stay connected to each other.
Nicholas Sparks wrote, "The saddest people I've ever met in life are the ones who don't care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there's nothing to make it last." Be patient and work toward obtaining that raging passion and clear vision in your relationship. You can re-fall in love with your spouse and experience that same joy you once knew.
