Everyone feels a little bit of stress sometimes. When work piles up, chores aren’t getting done, and kids have five different activities in one week, things can quickly get overwhelming. There is a line, though, where day to day stress becomes something a bit greater. Anxiety is the feeling of panic about the future that can impede the person’s ability to function normally. Millions of American’s are diagnosed with a form of anxiety order with the most common being generalized anxiety disorder.
In marriage, those who suffer from anxiety tend to bring their fears and stress into the relationship. This at times can cause strain on the marriage, especially if neither party understands how to handle the symptoms in an effective way. There are many things you can do as a spouse to help your husband or wife feel more in control of their mental illness that will give your marriage relief.
Stay calm.
When your spouse is going through a particularly rough time, the last thing they need is additional stressors put on them by you. It can be easy to get angry, frustrated, and even sad when your spouse starts breaking down and you don’t understand why, or how to help. That feeling of being unable to fix the situation is just as annoying to them as it likely is for you. The best thing you can do in these moments is stay calm and levelheaded.
Understand what they need during a panic attack.
A panic attack is a severe manifestation of anxiety where one is overwhelmed with emotion. The person suffering can feel like their world is ending to the point where they hyperventilate, cry, and cannot breathe. It is an incredibly scary experience to live through. Before the next panic attack happens, talk with your spouse beforehand about what you can do to help them through it. Do they feel more comfortable if you hold their hand, or do they want a full embrace? Do they want you to do breathing exercise with them, or remain silent while they let the feelings pass? In the middle of a panic attack, it can be hard to communicate what is needed. Have a basic guideline of steps you can take to help your spouse get through it easier. This is the moment where they need you to be their rock.
Do meditation exercises together.
When someone is anxious, they only focus on what is in the future. They have a hard time sticking to the present. Help your spouse cope with this by doing meditation exercises together. Meditation sessions will help recenter your spouse and bring them to the current moment. It will remind them of all the blessing they have, right now, that they shouldn’t take for granted. It also helps identify the thoughts that are stressing them out in a clear way. They can identify what is irrational and what is not.
Practice yoga.
Like meditation, yoga is a great way to help focus on the present and ground yourself. Your spouse will enjoy having someone participate in the activity with them. It’s a great way not only to lessen overall anxiety, but to bond together as a couple as well. Exercise in any form is a great way to reduce anxiety, but yoga’s slow movements and dedication to breathing exercise make it the perfect activity.
Be aware of their anxiety ticks.
Everyone is wired to respond to fear by fight, flight, or freeze. Each person has a different one that typically dominates their responses. Your spouse might tend to freeze, by burying themselves in their blanket fort instead of facing head on the things that worry them. Others might feel ready to fight, and get irritable or excessively perfectionistic when they are overcome with anxiety. Talk with your spouse about how their anxiety manifests so that you can identify their stress at an early stage. Then, you’ll be able to give them support before it becomes a full-blown problem.
Temper their thinking.
Anxious people tend to think of the worst possible scenario of every outcome, and only that. If you educate yourself on cognitive-behavioral models of anxiety, you’ll start to learn some of the techniques therapists use to anxiety-ridden people restructure their thinking. While you might not be a psychologist, that doesn’t mean you can’t help your spouse see that their irrational thoughts aren’t real. For example, if your spouse is anxious that they haven’t heard from their parents for a scheduled phone date help them think of logical reason the parents may have postponed, rather than let them think the worst. Ask the questions: “What is the best that could happen?”, “What is the worst that could happen?” and “What is realistic of those scenarios?”. Help them focus on the coping abilities they have, rather than on false beliefs that their parents must have gotten in a horrible car wreck.
Anxiety is a hard mental illness to deal with, but with the proper support your spouse will still live a wonderful life. Working with them on what they need, being patient, and being receptive to their needs will help you get a long way. Don’t be afraid to speak about it openly as a couple so that everyone’s needs get met.
