The road to maintaining a healthy relationship isn’t always a smooth one. There are a number of pitfalls that can take us off course. Some of these pitfalls are one-time mistakes that we hopefully learn from and don’t repeat, but some are behaviors that start small and grow into regular bad habits.

The problem with bad habits is that not only do they do damage, but over time they begin to feel like normal behavior. Eventually, many of us are completely unaware of the little things we’re doing that are causing the biggest problems.

I see this quite a bit in my relationship counseling practice. Let me share with you some of the worst relationship habits of which many of us are guilty.

Habits That Are Bad For Your Relationship

Bad habits come in different forms. Some are bad for the relationship overall, while others are bad for you personally and your health. Let’s first look at those habits that can sink your relationship if you’re not careful.

• Assuming instead of asking. “She’ll take care of that,” “He doesn’t care if I work late,” “She doesn’t mind if the guys come over.” All those things may be true, but assuming rather than asking, or just regular checking in with each other, is a slippery slope into completely taking your partner for granted. It’s also generally disrespectful. Over time this can cause resentment.
• Forgetting your manners. Please and thank you shouldn’t exit your vocabulary just because you’ve been together for years. As the saying goes, the ‘devil is in the details,' so the little things like minding your manners at dinner and saying “please”, “thank you”, and “excuse me” shouldn’t be forgotten.
• Ignoring hygiene or grooming. Your partner loves you just the way you are, right? Probably, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you to shave and put on clean clothes. And ladies, athleisure doesn’t mean ratty sweatpants or pajamas every day. It’s easy for us to allow lack of effort around our partner when it comes to personal grooming to become a bad habit. Don’t let the only time you brush your hair become when you’re seeing anyone other than your partner.
• Eating separately. Whether it’s a quick sandwich or a romantic dinner, eating together creates a bond and allows you to relax and connect. For some couples, it might be the only time in a day they get that chance. So, despite busy schedules, don’t let eating on the run or separately become a habit.
• Rushing out in the morning. Most days start busy for the majority of us. That doesn’t mean you should leave without taking a moment to express some affection and appreciation for your mate. “I love you, have a great day,” can start someone’s morning off on a positive note and reinforce your connection to each other.
• Constant surfing. No, not the ocean kind - doing that together might actually be good for you. I’m talking about phones, iPads, etc. Constantly cruising through texts, social media posts, or emails while you are with your partner (or anyone really) is a bad habit that can create a divide between you. Instead, you should make an effort to talk. Poor communication is a leading cause of relationship issues.

Relationship Habits That Are Bad For Your Health

Often when there are bumps in the relationship road our focus goes to what we can do for the health of the relationship itself. There are several habits, however, that not only affect the connection you have with your partner but affect your own health as well.

These can be a double whammy because doing things that are detrimental to your mental or physical well-being can prevent you from being capable of doing positive things for your relationship. This can become a vicious cycle and there’s no winner.

So, what are these bad relationship habits that can affect your health as well? Take a look.

• Too much time with each other. You’re a couple, so together time should be good, right? Yes, kind of. It is actually possible to have too much time together and that can cause problems for your mental health and happiness. To be the best partner you can be, and the best version of yourself, interacting with other people is needed. Otherwise, the only feedback and perspective you get are too limited to be healthy.
• Losing your autonomy. There are two of you in the relationship, but too often people become so attached to their partner that they lose themselves. Forgetting your own individuality, likes, and interests isn’t good for you or your relationship.
• Keeping your feelings to yourself. Are you afraid to tell your partner how you feel because you’re concerned they’ll react badly? Keeping feelings bottled up can cause anxiety, undue stress, high blood pressure, and a myriad of other problems. And it can cause your relationship to veer wildly off course. After all, your partner isn’t a mind reader and can’t respect your feelings if they don’t know you have them.
• Giving in to jealousy. Jealousy is an ugly and unproductive emotion. It’s also a fairly normal one to experience. The trick is to be open about what’s making you feel insecure and address it with your partner. Otherwise, it can lead to resentment, anger issues, and alienation from your partner.
• Comparing your relationship to others. No two people are alike, so no two relationships are alike either. Trying to compare your relationship to someone else’s is not only unfair and inappropriate, but it will also prevent you from appreciating what you have and being happy.

If any of these sound even vaguely familiar, you’re in good company. We’ve all been guilty of allowing bad habits to form and go unchecked. What’s important is to break them and make changes once you’ve become aware of what you’re doing. And there’s no need to wait for a counselor to point it out to you. Sometimes taking a step back and getting the ten-thousand-foot view of yourself can give you the perspective you need to see what needs changing.