Having your heart ripped out of your chest because the person you loved has left you, can feel like the end of the world. When the love you had for them is not reciprocated anymore, it can be devastatingly sad, like a death. Heartbreak leaves you feeling turned inside out.
The heartbroken often struggle with feelings of powerlessness. They are full of frustration that it's not within their control to make things the way they want. Many internalize the rejection of a break-up to mean that they are somehow not worthy, not capable of a healthy relationship, or not lovable on a deeper level. This self-loathing can take root and cause a pessimistic view of the future, igniting panic and despair that love may never be found again.
These steps will help you survive that feeling of helplessness. The overwhelming feelings of sadness are part of the natural healing process. Though the world feels like it’s completely on its side right now, you will eventually be able to get out there and date again. You will be stronger than you were before.
Accept your reality.
Your situation is what it is. No amount of wishing for something different or rejecting the situation will change anything. This can be an incredibly hard pill to swallow, but it's the truth you need to hear. However, by facing your problem, you can at least begin to address it. By looking to the future, you will be able to get through it one day at a time. Do not leave yourself in the denial stage for too long.
Choose to be kind to yourself.
No one ever healed from a blow to the head by hitting themselves there again. The same can be said of emotional pain. Self-criticism won’t resolve that problem or make you feel better. The way to heal and move beyond the hurt is to accept it and find ways to nurture the wound. More specifically with psychological pain, compassion is essential to heal and to free yourself to nurture greater personal growth.
They didn’t dump you because you aren’t good enough. You lack nothing. You are a beautiful human being that deserves to be loved, and if your ex cannot see that, it is their loss. This time of healing is one that is ideal for you to find yourself, for you to acknowledge your inner beauty, for you to rebuild your self-esteem. Love yourself, because that’s the best thing to do for you.
Connect with your family.
In this time, your family may be some of the most helpful tools you have. Not only do they distract you for a little bit from the pain you’ve been going through, but they also remind you of everything else in your life that you have going for you. They’ll get you out, doing something fun, rebuilding your confidence. As an added bonus, they are the ones that know exactly how to get you happy again.
Don't rush into something else right away.
A common misconception is that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. This could not be further from the truth. You are vulnerable and you are going to become emotionally attached, especially if it’s too early. You will either end up breaking the other person's heart by not being able to let go of the past and turning them into a rebound, or be hurt by them because they don't want anything more serious. Be clear about all intentions and do not start dating again until you feel comfortable with yourself.
Get rid of physical reminders.
Old photos, cards, t-shirts and boxes and the like will only make you reminisce on old times. Physical objects hold energetic ties and if you are wanting to move on, you don’t want that stuff in your space. As hard as it is, give your whole house, especially the bedroom, an overhaul. Chuck out whatever does not make you feel good and anything that makes you miss the relationship. Cut those cords to those now tainted memories.
Ask for support, but avoid loved up couples.
Your best friends will want to support you but most won’t know how. Instead of waiting for them to read your mind, get clear on what you need to feel supported and speak up. You might find it hard to be around them if their significant other is there too, so express your concerns if needed. If you’re finding it hard to hang out with overly loved up couples, don’t judge yourself. Tell your friends that right now it’s just too hard for you, if they’re a good enough friend they will understand and not bring their plus one when you need to have individualized time with them.
Don't give up on love.
Your relationship of three years just ended. You loved them. You are absolutely decimated. It seems the best, and often only, option is to give up on love all together. You hate love, because it’s really the only reason you’re feeling so crappy right now. Why would you ever let someone make you feel this way again? Just remember, not all love ends just because this love did.
Know this too shall pass. Put one foot in front of the other and time will heal your wounds. Even if you can't imagine feeling better or being open to love again, you most certainly will. You will be amazed just how resilient your own spirit can be.
