Are you THAT couple? You know, the couple that never seems to stop fighting. Does it worry you? Well, don't let it. Fighting is actually a good sign when it comes to marriage. Often times, one of the most detrimental traits in a marriage is a lack of communication. Believe it or not, fighting is a perfectly acceptable form of communication. Why? It's simple. It means you are talking and communicating opposed to ignoring one another and the issue at hand.
According to world-renowned psychologist, John Gottman, when one or both parts of a coupling shut down and fail to communicate, relationships crumble. He calls it Stonewalling. Gottman explains stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from communicating and interacting and basically shuts down from any communication with their partner. This can happen individually or as a couple at the same time. Communication should never stop between a couple. It is vital to a relationship's survival.
Fighting, although not ideal, can be a sign of deep affection, love and commitment. When a couple, actively engaged in dialogue, is "fighting," they are showing their passion and intense desire to express themselves in an attempt to correct the issue or situation. As long as both couples are engaged and interacting, fighting can be beneficial. The following is how fighting will save your marriage.
1. It s hows your passion
If you weren't passionate about your partner, you wouldn't show such strong emotion. Your partner wants and needs to see that you are passionate about them, and sometimes the fact that you are willing to fight with them accomplishes just that.
2. It s hows you are committed
Walking away is easy. Staying and working through your thoughts and emotions together is the hard part.
3. It w orks out feelings
Harboring hard feelings or resentment toward your partner is dangerous. Those feelings will build on top of each other and place a barrier between the two of you. By fighting and expressing those feelings, you leave room in your heart for love and forgiveness.
4. It r eleases anger
Anger is a natural emotion. It is how you know someone feels strong about something. When released properly, anger can have mental and physical benefits. In regards to your spouse, use anger when fighting to fuel your desire to fix the problem, not create new ones.
5. It h elps you regroup as a couple
When fighting with your significant other, it often isn't about winning and losing. It is more about being heard and learning what your partner feels. Once you have accomplished that, you can start fresh and use what you just experienced to help with future conflicts or disagreements. After a fight, you have a clean slate. Make a fresh start moving forward. If you didn't fight it out, you might not be able to move on.
Fighting as a form of communication can be helpful as long as you "fight fair" with no name calling, accusations or yelling. Fight with a sincere passion to save your relationship and keep your marital bond strong. After all, the couple that fights hard, loves hard.
