Being miserable in marriage is like being stuck in Groundhog Day - it's an unbearable ordeal that slowly drives you crazy. It starts with little things then becomes a snowball of problems.
What do you do if you are not happy in your marriage anymore? Is it the end, or are there ways to save the family?
Reasons Why You Can Be Unhappy in Marriage
Marriage has many things that matter. It's like a machine. If something breaks down, the whole vehicle will stall. And then, there are options - examine the system and identify the breakdown to fix it or send it to a landfill.
Before making a decision, let's take a look at what might ruin your marriage.
1. Together but Alone
You live under the same roof, eat and sleep together. Strangers may think that you are the perfect family. Despite the joint activities, neither of the spouses feels involved. You no longer want to share your problems, to discuss how the day goes. Detachment, lack of communication, indifference to the affairs of the second partner are the primary signs that the marriage is coming apart at the seams.
2. Lack of Sex
Sex is one of the parts of a healthy relationship. After spouses have been together for a long time, the amount of lovemaking can be significantly reduced. That is okay, especially if the couple has children.
In this case, we are not talking about the number but the emotional attachment of partners. Spouses may still be physically attracted to each other but not emotionally. Making love turns into a mechanical process, a mandatory fulfillment of marital duty. As a result, emotional dissatisfaction in marriage increases, and partners may begin to seek pleasure with others. In other words, spouses begin to cheat on their partners.
3. Lack of Joint Plans for the Future
At the beginning of the relationship, you planned a wedding, a house purchase, a trip, a pet, pick a school for your children. What now? Is there still room for discussion about plans? Is the spouse present in these plans?
When the marriage is heading towards its end, spouses have less common ground. They are no longer fighting for their marriage. Partners are no longer willing to share desires, goals, and outlooks on life. Instead, everyone remains in their shell, closed off with their thoughts.
4. Self-focus
Feeling unsatisfied in marriage also occurs when one of the spouses is entirely focused on themselves. They don't have time to spend with their partner, but there is always some time for friends or hobbies. More and more often, they hear the word “egoist.”
In this case, self-focus does not show selfishness but rather a lack of interest in a partner. Previously, the beloved was the whole world, but now they are an outsider.
8 Tips How to Fix the Marriage
If your marriage feels it is slowly falling apart and makes you feel depressed, it is not a reason to burn all bridges and file for divorce. There is still a chance of being happy in marriage. To do this, you need to make some effort.
1. Support Your Partner
Couples swear to share happiness, sorrow, troubles, and victories by giving vows at the altar. A spouse's individual life goals and dreams become joint when both partners support each other.
It will be beneficial if you show your support in everything your spouse does. For example, a new project at work, swimming, or climbing - show that you believe in their strengths and are always ready to lend a helping hand if needed.
Your partner will be pleased that you are interested in what they do. You will have many new topics for conversation.
2. Practice Forgiveness
Forgiveness helps us heal and frees us from the bonds of negative emotions. Forgiveness is the path to harmony with yourself and your relationships. Learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness. We are all just human. We tend to make mistakes. But we should be able to take responsibility for them.
When asking for forgiveness, know what you are apologizing for. Otherwise, your words will be regarded as insincere. Even if you are not happy with your married life, you should let negative feelings about your partner go. Otherwise, it will create a gap between you and generate blind hatred.
3. Take Care of Your Appearance
Family life takes a lot of time and effort. So we no longer dress up like we used to, and stretched sweatpants and a T-shirt become our favorite home clothes. Think about the last time your partner complimented your appearance. If for a long time, you should think about it.
Try dressing up for more than just going to work or a holiday. You can get styling, manicure, makeup, or go to the gym.
Your mood also affects your appearance and self-esteem. So pamper yourself from time to time. Do what you like or have wanted to try for a long time.
4. Practice Active Listening
People often complain that their spouses do not hear them. But do they listen to their spouse? It is vital to actively listen and hear a partner in a relationship, especially when going through a difficult time in your marriage.
By being an active listener, you show that what your partner says is important to you. For example, in disputes, do not interrupt each other, let your spouse speak, and only then argue your point of view.
5. Appreciate Your Partner
Appreciate things which you have. Under any circumstances, do not compare your spouse with others and your marriage with your acquaintances' or friends' families. You can not know for sure what happens behind closed doors.
You should not blame your partner for what they have not achieved. On the contrary, remember the qualities that attracted you to them at the beginning of the relationship. Accept your partner as they are, and they will respond in kind.
6. Surprise Your Partner
Don't let routine ruin your marriage. Instead, don’t forget to daze your partners with small gifts or surprises. For example, you can buy two tickets for their favorite singer's concert, or have a romantic candlelit dinner. The feeling of wonder, the acuteness of sensations, does not allow you to lose your love.
7. Spend Time Together
Spending time together brings spouses closer. How long since you’ve been on a date or picnic? Watching the TV after work does not count, because you are tired and just want to relax.
Both partners need time to forget about worries and urgent matters and just enjoy each other's company. Be playful, flirt, plan a vacation together, and talk about all the news.
8. Get to Know Each Other Again
While you are dating, you are diligently trying to get to know the person better to understand whether you match each other or not. But when you're already married, you seem to know your spouse better than anyone. But is it so?
The best way to get to know each other is through constant communication. You can also use various interesting questionnaires for couples. Such questionnaires seem to have simple questions at first glance, but sometimes it is difficult to answer immediately. For example, your spouse's favorite color, favorite TV show, wedding day, dreams and goals, etc.
Also, you can resolve conflicts by visiting a marriage and family therapist. They will guide you step by step to find the core of the problem and the optimal solution.
Be honest and with yourself first. Sometimes you need to stop and evaluate your marriage with an open mind. Can you save it? Do both spouses want to keep the relationship? Why do you want to remain married?
If the spouses, despite their efforts, have come to a mutual agreement that their marriage no longer works, and their feelings have faded, it is worth letting the relationship go. A peaceful breakup is much better than slowly cultivating hatred for each other while bound by marital obligations.
