Sometimes in marriage, we get so preoccupied with the busyness of life that we neglect the most basic survival needs within our relationship. As I've worked with couples online and in person, I'm convinced that husbands and wives each have three basic needs which are as important on a relational level as food, water and shelter are on a physical level.
Every person is different, so I understand that these generalizations may not apply to all couples, but I encourage you to ask your husband or wife if these three main needs apply to him or her. Making the effort to understand and meet your spouse's needs is a practical way for you to instantly improve the health and vitality of your marriage.
The 3 primary needs of husbands
(The list of wives' needs is below)
1. Respect
We men don't often admit, but we are desperate for our wives' respect. With it, we feel like we can take on the world. Without it, life can feel like it's falling apart. A wife's respect has the power to bring out the best aspect of him. Respect him even when he doesn't "deserve" it, not as a reflection of his imperfections, but as a reflection of your love and commitment to him.
2. Sex
A husband can deal with almost anything if his sex life is great. Most women don't fully realize importance men place on sex (seriously, it's even more than you think it is).
3. Peace in the home
Men don't always know how to articulate this, but we have a deep desire for our wives to cultivate an atmosphere of "peace" in the home. This doesn't mean the home always has to smell like gingerbread cookies or look like an HGTV Dream Home, but husbands desire an atmosphere where they won't want to leave and they'll want to hurry home to. Wives, ask your husbands what you can do to help cultivate this type of atmosphere in your home, and give him permission to answer honestly.
The 3 primary needs of wives*
*I'm a guy writing this, so these insights come from my wife and the many women who have contributed through through our websites.
1. Love
When a woman refers to "love" she isn't just talking about a gushy feeling that you get from reading a Hallmark card. The "love" wives need is embodied in consistent adoration, affection, protection and rock-solid commitment from their husbands. Men, love your wife with everything you've got. You're not only loving her, you're also teaching your sons how they should treat women and teaching your daughters what they should expect from men!
2. Communication
I'm convinced that a woman's need for communication is usually just as strong as a man's need for sex. Think about that guys. I know talking through the details of our days doesn't usually come as naturally for us, but if your wife needs it as much as you need sex, that should motivate you to make it a top priority!
3. Security
A woman needs to know that her heart, her finances, her family and her physical safety are in the best hands with her husband. She needs to know that her husband would gladly give his own life to save hers if it came to that, but even more importantly, he would gladly spend every moment of his life working to give to her and share with her the best life possible. Husbands, ask your wives what you can do to provide this kind of life for her and give her permission to answer honestly.
This article was originally published on Patheos. It has been republished here with permission.
