He wants to grow a beard, you say? You don't say.
Throughout time, at least the human turn of it, men have strutted their facial hair stuff for their mate. Some of it has been great. Some of it not-so great. Some of it has been laughable. The good news is that it all comes off eventually. Odds are that you have seen or will see one of these styles on your man, like it or not.
The Moses Beard
, as seen on Dumbledore, ZZ Top, Duck Dynasty, George Surat and Tom Hanks in Castaway.
Suffice it to say: If he wears his facial hair like an Old Testament prophet, he may be creative and somewhat unpredictable. Of course he could be unemployed. Still, he is either very comfortable with himself, or he doesn't care how he comes across to others. He is whimsical, capricious and a little scary to young children.
The Brigham Young
, as seen on Kenny Rogers, Bob Vila, Loggers and, well, Brigham Young.
Suffice it to say: This is a distinguished look. The Brigham Young, a full beard that sees a weekly trim, says: I have been around, and I like who I am. It could also mean that his wife, Mary Todd, told him he has a weak chin. Professors tend to lean toward the full beard. Sit down with this gentleman. He may be writing a novel. He has a few things to tell you. For example, how long he has been growing a beard.
The Tight Goatee
, as seen on Pro baseball players, guys who watch NASCAR and Leonardo Dicaprio.
Suffice it to say: I have worn this myself. It's a great beard for those with no chin, or with too many chins. Oddly, I fit into both categories. It's generally a gateway beard, sort of non-committal, for guys who haven't figured out facial hair yet or for those on the facial hair fence.
The Chin Beard
, as seen on roofers, plumbers and professional wrestlers.
Suffice it to say: This dude is a hard worker and a party all-nighter. Is the chin beard dyed red or blond? This dude likes the attention given to rockers. He is probably both insecure and wants more attention at the same time.
The Chinstrap
, as seen on Chris Daughtry, guys who like gold chains and guys who can afford to have someone trim it up for them.
Suffice it to say: Men sporting the chinstrap have spent a whole bunch of time planning how they want to look. They don't worry about it - as Chinstrapers are not worriers. They take pride in their grooming. Do you smell a faint hint of body odor? It ain't coming from Mr. Chinstrap. A lot of bald guys who shave their heads try this style to show they have hair and are in control.
The Tom Selleck
, as seen on Tom Selleck. No one does the mustache like Mr. Selleck, except for maybe Freddy Mercury.
Suffice it to say: If you wear a Tom Selleck, then you have a sense of humor. Middle aged men wear it best. Young guys should stay away from it unless they want to be considered akin to the guys that drive windowless vans. Mustaches can also be for someone who is in transition. Bottom line: Don't get used to it because it won't be around for very long.
Mutton chops
, as seen in the Civil war, Graceland and X-men.
Suffice it to say: The man who grows Mutton chops doesn't live in the past, but he appreciates it for what it's worth. He may eschew old fashioned values and listen to a little Credence or, you guessed it, Elvis. He may also have his dad's old wooden tool box and some vinyl records he's been collecting. Either that or he is in a grunge band.
The Soul Patch
, as seen on: Ethan Hawke, French guys, Billy Ray Cyrus and men with earrings.
Suffice it to say: The soul patch is for those with a teeny bit of soul and a whole lot of self-doubt. It is for guys who are generally creative but unreliable - the guys we used to call flakes.
It is for guys in conservative situations who push the envelope and grow just enough hair to be a rebel, but not enough to get called to H.R. - not a rebellious streak, but more of a rebellious skid.
Day-old stubble
, as seen on: Every guy that wants to look sexy, and appear aloof or men who can't find where the baby dropped his electric razor.
Suffice it to say: The man who wears this has looked at himself in the mirror a lot today. His CDs are in order of musical styles, and he probably has bed-head. It is important for him to look like he just doesn't care, or that he is too successful to have any time to shave. Did I mention that he doesn't care?
Of course, you may have just caught him on a Saturday after he's mowed the lawn.
Sporadic stubble
, as seen on Al Pacino, computer software developers and hikers.
Suffice it to say: This man is easy going and doesn't care what his face looks like. Sporadic stubble happens when a guy does not look into the mirror for a week or two. There are few methods to trim and shape facial hair in the Outback, bringin' in the cattle, or while trying to get that guy back safely from the international space station.
Clean shaven
, as seen on everyone else.
Suffice it to say: Conventional? Run of the mill? Boring? Actually, your guy's personality has little to do with facial hair at all as you may have guessed. What's important is how he treats you, and that he cleans out the sink when he's through shaving.
